Singular long hair growing out my sack, yanking on it to discover my dicks catchphrase

i have good news from X, the everything app

Not a novel concept but man do hotel towels take a beating

Throwing it back and making it clap to the capital one travel customer service hold music. They fucked up my hotel reservation, you see.

Something very satisfying about opening a bottle of coke one handed while driving. Like a gorilla solving a simple puzzle. Primal, beautiful.

snorting some ozempic in a popeyes parking lot

started a small wildfire at my gamertag reveal party

I’m on that roadkill doodoo ass right now, animal services about to knock down my front door

Been exposed to it for a year at this point but my neighbors joker jeep is still so fucking funny. Getting the mail and seeing him admiring it in a foldable chair in his driveway. He’s happier than me, no doubt.

M wording the guy who designed stalls with toiler paper holders exactly at knee height, I’ll be shitting in his toilet at a 45 degree angle and then k wording myself.

Few are ready to dicsucc how cool ranch is superior to nacho flavoring, and we need to look into this

Tried to make my handle big shrimpin but some other high iq genius took it 😔