Ah, one of the analytic existentialism guys!

This, perhaps, is why I always remain closest to philosophy. I am still, like Critchley writes about nihilism, gripped by a kind of religious disappointment. That there is no clear and distinct Way. But even if there were, I'd imagine that I'd probably reject it.

Of course the irony in all of this is that all these traditions—Zen, Daoism, Christian mysticism—are centred on immanence, unknowing, and mystery.

I feel like I'm still trying to turn mystery into a question I can answer

All that said, I no more believe that Jesus is Christ than I believe in reincarnation.

The critiques of secular Buddhism as revisionist violence are surely also true of nontheist Quakerism.

Why retain the name Buddhism when you reject core tenets. Why remain Quaker when you aren't Christian?

I suppose I'm really just trying to live a contemplative life that is engaged and affirming of the world.

There is no great felt need to identify with a religious tradition— beyond a broad godless mysticism—but there is a desire to occasionally feel connected to others who are similarly minded.

So I'm tempted to try and see how it feels despite the theism of some of the community and the residual theism of its overall belief. After all, there is space to speak of God without talking about a cosmic child abuser, as per Spinoza.

Quakers offer a life-affirming, relational practice where the sacred is immanent, ethics arise through engagement, and ordinary life is honored—providing contemplative silence and community without metaphysical or renunciatory demands and hierarchy.

Daoism is beautiful and incredible as a philosophy, genuinely likely to be the closest match to what I believe, but it has no community of practice—not anywhere near me at least. So back to Zen.

Zen sanghas themselves also put me off. There's something about the ritual, the chanting, ceremonial bowing, the Japanese cosplay in clothes and chants that rubs me the wrong way. And while I appreciate the role of teachers, I simply can't vibe with the hierarchical form. I've tried and failed.

I know people who'll say that Dogen isn't commited to them, but he is in the Zen tradition. Even if there isn't a loud avowal of them, they're part and parcel of being a Buddhist. If you go for refuge, you're accepting them.

I've been a member of two Zen sanghas, and I've drifted away from them both. For all I love about Zen, I can't go along with deeper Buddhist commitments to rebirth, karma, no-self, and renunciation. Typically downplayed in Zen but these elements are all crucial to Buddhism.

If I lived in America I'd probably want to go to the Springwater Centre founded by Toni Packer

Very much a case of being a Merleau-Ponty/Dogen/Weil/Zhuangzi hybrid who is too individualist to feel at home in a Buddhist spaces but loves shikatanza

Meaning is not a vibe.