The highest point of my being has been the day i decided to learn how to write in miniscule, it is the only time i could genuinely control myself properly

I say this with the conscience that I say this kind of thing all day every day since the third grade and I havent done a lick of it at all

As much as I don't think it's completely unhealthy I have noticed I waste a lot of time looking for stuff to listen to and it often distracts me too much

literally most of the women I worked with who had been there for decades told me they’d only ever gotten raises when the minimum wage was raised so like I don’t wanna hear that it doesnt affect anything

I like this format of critiquing your own videos but in an extremely neutral way, finding good and bad and what was your own poor choice and what was just unlucky
Good job, ICERRR !

This is me this is me every night good lord good lord please sleep it will not help save yourself

No i think thats the doom patrol one

It is 1 pen tall

Maybe the words I need are just support
Maybe I just need friends telling me nice things
I sounds egotistical but truly I've only had this happen relatively recently
Maybe I'll be fine.

I know these ideas are wrong. I know I'm in the wrong.
I found out as much when I asked the ultimate wordteller, my psychologist.
Even so, I can't change how I think on instinct. I'm fundamentally dumb.

I don't know what these words are. I probably already found what would help me. I fear I just have an obsession with easy solutions.

If the law, the state, the real world, were to label me the right word, if I was explainable, if I was autistic, was neurodivergent, was mentally ill, was transgender, was asexual, if I was any word that has any meaning, perhaps I would heal.
I would just need a pill, no? It would all take one day.

If I found the right words to speak, if I found the right words to describe my inability to live, if I could shout it at every living person, perhaps I would heal.
I would ask everyone in the world and someone has to know a solution, right?

If I found the right words to hear, if I found somebody who could speak them to me properly, perhaps I would heal.
I would know right from wrong because someone else told me, not myself.

Please do not reply to this thread at all.
I wish to be percieved but am scared shitless of being reacted to. I wish I was transparent. I'm glad to make myself seen but cannot survive being with others yet.
Do not react. Read, have your thoughts, but go on.
Today I will be alive in these words.

Is this normal? Is it normal to think this much? To not understand?
Am I normal? Can I live like a normal person? Can I be happy?
Can I be loved? Can I be loved for real? Can the real me be loved?
Can I be? Can I just be? Can there be silence?

If any of you are lying lease tell me, I dont want you to suffer as much as I am. If you want to stop talking with me please tell me because Ive wanted to stop talking completely for years