I'm starting to think that days I really don't want to put on pants are actually days my desired gender presentation calls for a skirt, except that I don't have any skirts (or dresses) with decent pockets

Look dude I just came down here to set up my Switch 2 dock on a break and now I'm stuck here forever

Update: I have received five pounds of blue gummy bears. This qualifies.

My kingdom for a truly aggressive amount of blue gummy bears

ADHD Level: just got back in tbe shower because I forgot to rinse the conditioner out of my hair the first time around

*stumbles across some of my old fanfiction*
Oh, look, it's me as a child

How is it that cats are simultaneously annoying as shit and adorable as sin

Look, I'm not going to stop you from talking shit about my mother, so long as the shit you talk is ACCURATE.

Ah, the joys of spending five minutes actively trying to get put of bed, because I can't find my glasses because I need my glasses to see my glasses.

My favorite part of new-fallen snow is seeing the eddies of powder swirl across dry pavement like the souls of the damned on their way to Hades.