My job gave me free life insurance so now I'm officially worth more dead than alive.
November 13, 2025 at 4:57 PM
My job gave me free life insurance so now I'm officially worth more dead than alive.
I'm out here eating Oreo cakes and birthday cake flavored Oreo and it feels like someone is messing with me
July 15, 2025 at 8:05 PM
I'm out here eating Oreo cakes and birthday cake flavored Oreo and it feels like someone is messing with me
I started getting gray hairs before I stopped getting acne. The middle class is gone.
July 12, 2025 at 2:26 PM
I started getting gray hairs before I stopped getting acne. The middle class is gone.
I knew a guy who used to say, "There's no nation like a donation" which made absolutely no sense but it gets stuck in my head a lot.
June 13, 2025 at 3:44 PM
I knew a guy who used to say, "There's no nation like a donation" which made absolutely no sense but it gets stuck in my head a lot.
It makes me happy when I see water is the main ingredient in something because water is also the main ingredient in me
May 19, 2025 at 4:31 PM
It makes me happy when I see water is the main ingredient in something because water is also the main ingredient in me
My girlfriend's 4 year old son wanted to leave the restaurant so he kept hitting me saying "Pay! Pay! Pay!" and in that moment I realized it was a perfect metaphor of life.
May 16, 2025 at 6:30 PM
My girlfriend's 4 year old son wanted to leave the restaurant so he kept hitting me saying "Pay! Pay! Pay!" and in that moment I realized it was a perfect metaphor of life.
I want one of those fancy waiters who tells you what you're going to eat, except for Netflix instead of food.
April 18, 2025 at 7:41 PM
I want one of those fancy waiters who tells you what you're going to eat, except for Netflix instead of food.
Anyone else remember when having a "flat screen" TV was a flex?
April 10, 2025 at 3:39 PM
Anyone else remember when having a "flat screen" TV was a flex?
I did an overtime shift once where I worked for 5 hours, didn't see or talk to anyone, and went home. The memory of that day is now my happy place.
March 13, 2025 at 12:08 AM
I did an overtime shift once where I worked for 5 hours, didn't see or talk to anyone, and went home. The memory of that day is now my happy place.
How is there not a brand of soda called Sodalicious?
February 20, 2025 at 4:59 PM
How is there not a brand of soda called Sodalicious?
When I walk past someone and say hi, sometimes I say hi to myself a few seconds later to confirm how it sounded, and then hope nobody heard the 2nd hi
February 14, 2025 at 12:04 PM
When I walk past someone and say hi, sometimes I say hi to myself a few seconds later to confirm how it sounded, and then hope nobody heard the 2nd hi
I wasted all my brain's dopamine playing Pokémon in 4th grade, now I just sort of... exist.
February 12, 2025 at 2:59 AM
I wasted all my brain's dopamine playing Pokémon in 4th grade, now I just sort of... exist.
People keep saying they have a "famous recipe" but I never heard of it before and I wonder how famous it actually is
February 7, 2025 at 12:08 PM
People keep saying they have a "famous recipe" but I never heard of it before and I wonder how famous it actually is
There needs to be a cooking reality show that takes place in someone else's apartment. You don't know what they have, where anything is, and you have to make something.
February 5, 2025 at 3:06 AM
There needs to be a cooking reality show that takes place in someone else's apartment. You don't know what they have, where anything is, and you have to make something.
She refused to talk to me the whole ride to the airport because I called her trip to Italy a Spaghetaway
February 3, 2025 at 3:54 PM
She refused to talk to me the whole ride to the airport because I called her trip to Italy a Spaghetaway
Me: Does pushups for 20 minutes
My brain: Eat as much as you want, you earned it
My brain: Eat as much as you want, you earned it
January 31, 2025 at 2:40 PM
Me: Does pushups for 20 minutes
My brain: Eat as much as you want, you earned it
My brain: Eat as much as you want, you earned it
Some dude said to me, "Sorry I forget names, but I'll remember your face and, like, what you're about," and that was the realest thing I ever heard.
January 29, 2025 at 3:50 PM
Some dude said to me, "Sorry I forget names, but I'll remember your face and, like, what you're about," and that was the realest thing I ever heard.
My friend didn't talk to me the whole ride back from the airport because I called his trip to Italy a spaghetaway
January 25, 2025 at 1:27 AM
My friend didn't talk to me the whole ride back from the airport because I called his trip to Italy a spaghetaway
Fitbits are amazing. Mine says I burn 2700 calories a day, which is crazy because according to every treadmill I only burn 17.
January 24, 2025 at 2:41 PM
Fitbits are amazing. Mine says I burn 2700 calories a day, which is crazy because according to every treadmill I only burn 17.
It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not
ANDRÉ GIDE
ANDRÉ GIDE
December 22, 2024 at 4:46 PM
It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not
ANDRÉ GIDE
ANDRÉ GIDE
It can be tempting to invest in unhealthy people because it keeps the focus on them and not your own issues
November 29, 2024 at 1:43 PM
It can be tempting to invest in unhealthy people because it keeps the focus on them and not your own issues
The handlebar collapsed on my ebike and I hit the pavement face first. Painful, but oddly nostalgic.
November 26, 2024 at 8:13 PM
The handlebar collapsed on my ebike and I hit the pavement face first. Painful, but oddly nostalgic.
If just 2% of a community is incarcerated, it negatively impacts the entire community. Each person is part of a web of relationships—some close, some distant, but all meaningful in ways we don’t always see.
November 24, 2024 at 10:20 PM
If just 2% of a community is incarcerated, it negatively impacts the entire community. Each person is part of a web of relationships—some close, some distant, but all meaningful in ways we don’t always see.