Yes, hello, my name is Gaston. Short for Gastronomy.

My wife had a container of swedish fish bust open in her purse. We refer to them as "loosies" and they taste better this way.

Every year for his birthday Mike bakes himself a cake, unhinges his jaw and crushes the whole thing, then as he writhes in stomachal agony he ponders all the reasons he hates socialism.

In a dream last night, I encountered the state abbreviation "LJ." My brain attached that to the state of Lest Jirvinia. Similar to ol' Jirvinia, but further to the Lest.

"Phlegm" is such a great example of how linguistics can be poetic. Just as the word is clogged up with unnecessary letters, so are you clogged up with unnecessary mucus.

Capitalism is supposed to use the power of competition to benefit the public. But companies hate competition--it's expensive. They prevent it any way they can.

That's why, paradoxically, a free market needs regulation. It's about balancing private benefit with public benefit.

I always feel so bad drinking riesling. They didn't even let it grow up into an adult ries.

I'm an old-fashioned kinda guy. For example, when your intestines make all kinds of burbly warning noises, I call that a singing diarrhea-gram.