I got my eyes on a couple of the wheels... Now seems like a good time to pull the trigger

It shouldn't be too much to ask for... It'd be an early xmas present

Oh honey, no. I hope it doesn't come to that but, fuckin hell, could the body just not for a day or two. As a treat.

Oh no, chaos house coming in hot with home repairs for christmas

I'm scared, Mr. Onion.

the Post is so upset they can't even come up with a good pun to put in the headline