"You are literally lying. It's impossible that you didn't know. You absolutely knew and you did it intentionally. You are an awful person and you should be ashamed of yourself."

But I literally didn't know. 😭

"You're lying. You knew. You're just trying to excuse your bad behavior."

I'm literally explaining why I did the thing. I didn't know. It's the reason I did it. Now that I know, I won't do it again.

And this is a fundamental aspect of the autistic experience that I wish more people understood.

If you're autistic, I'd love to know if this resonates.

And if you're not autistic, I'd love to know if this helps you better understand the autistic experience. 🙂

And lastly, rigidity is mentioned in the DSM as part of the autism criteria because it's one of the main ways our fear of suffering from unmet needs manifests. Not because it's a feature of autism.

If I'm rigid about my routines, it's because they keep me safe mentally, emotionally, and physically. Not because I'm wired to be rigid.

If I'm being rigid about social rules it's because I am already so incredibly lost in social situations that I need to rely on those rules to keep me safe socially. Not because I'm wired to be rigid.

It makes complete sense that we would. It's a perfectly logical fear response.

But, again, rigidity is not a feature of autism itself.

Example... if I'm being rigid about the food I'm eating, it's because of my sensory needs. Not because I am wired to be rigid.

They are also likely to reach an intolerable level much more quickly and easily.

Which means we suffer more often, more easily, and more intensely than nonautistic people.

Which, if you follow the logic, is why we show rigidity more easily and more frequently than nonautistic people.

We, as humans, are rigid about what we know will keep us safe. Mentally, emotionally, and physically.

And... as I've mentioned a lot lately... autistic needs are human needs.

Our human needs are just more likely to go unmet more frequently and more easily than nonautistic people.

You're so welcome 😊❤️

Because autistic people are not the problem here.

Society is.

And I will fight to my last breath to change this misunderstanding about us.

I hope some of you will join me. ❤️

So, a significant number of us are unable to exist in social spaces without mistreatment... or outright abuse.

Hence, we're disabled in those spaces.

It should absolutely not be this way. But it very much is. And I firmly believe this needs to change.

And the lack of awareness around this, and the resulting social attacks we receive in these situations, is exactly why autism needs to be understood as a social disability.

Not because we are inherently socially disabled. But because society is incapable of accepting this reality about us.

And when you hear it enough times, it actually traumatizes you. This is not an overstatement.

Which is part of the reason autistic people have such deeply rooted and intense social anxiety.

And I must say, as an autistic person who has experienced this MANY times throughout my life... being told you "should have known" something you literally didn't know is one of the most exasperating and defeating things to hear.

Or doesn't even know a "rule" exists because they're in a social context they've never been in before...

There's simply no way for the autistic person to learn the rules to begin with... or understand them well enough to learn them... unless the rules are explicitly and thoroughly explained.

Work environments, school environments, social events, government spaces, religious spaces, and a million different cultural contexts (related to race, class, ethnicity)... the list is literally endless.

So, when an autistic person sees people following unwritten social "rules" inconsistently...

Some people simply don't care if there are social consequences and will choose to ignore a "rule" completely.

There are also different sets of social "rules" for all sorts of different contexts...

There are also different levels of how egregious a "rule transgression" is deemed socially.

And different people have different tolerance levels for dealing with social ramifications of a "transgression."