All of these have just been wishes and thoughts of a scarred and scared girl, I'm scared of the future and have a deep rooted chronophobia, I'm scarred and stung from years of my own self hate and others, I'm happier than I've ever been because I have these people now and I adore them (6/?)

Considering......

about this a lot at this point, I'm tired rn so I'll continue this later and to any of my friends who see this I love you, possibly in a romantic way I'm poly who knows😭
not naming any because I don't want to leave anyone out AND don't want to call anyone out specifically (5/?)

but I can't, I'm too scared and gross and weird and you'd hate me" and sometimes I get over that they say yes and I'm like WHAT WDYM YES???? OKAY?????? just sitting there confused, not knowing what to do or say and this happens EVERY TIME I get close to someone, I've posted (4/?)

and one I love but am too shy to tell, that's another thing, I fall in love with friends super easily because they're nice to me or charming or do something that activates the part of my brain saying they're attractive, leading me to think "I love you I want to tell you (3/?)

I'm sad because I read these comics, play these games, watch these shows/movies and see a character wishing to have a hometown or friends like that and then I feel happy, ecstatic even because a friend is helping me out unknowingly, like Vee or B or Egg, two people I miss (2/?)

This looks way more fucked up then I thought it would😭, I'm happy I swear /srs

This is now just me rambling about this and then and it's all I can think about, my favorite room from a dream I had is back and I've been in it in headspace for most of the day I love them so much and I can't tell them actually my stomach hurts