vani.
@sensasijahanam.bsky.social
21, Certified Structure Engineer. 🇮🇩
Maybe my failure was the reason i wasn't hard on myself enough.
When i fail, i will die, because my failure is the one thing that my parents always have expected me of to pass by.
I did this alone, i have no friends. I can't call anyone.
I can't cry, i should just die.
Please, please, please.
When i fail, i will die, because my failure is the one thing that my parents always have expected me of to pass by.
I did this alone, i have no friends. I can't call anyone.
I can't cry, i should just die.
Please, please, please.
June 24, 2025 at 12:35 PM
Maybe my failure was the reason i wasn't hard on myself enough.
When i fail, i will die, because my failure is the one thing that my parents always have expected me of to pass by.
I did this alone, i have no friends. I can't call anyone.
I can't cry, i should just die.
Please, please, please.
When i fail, i will die, because my failure is the one thing that my parents always have expected me of to pass by.
I did this alone, i have no friends. I can't call anyone.
I can't cry, i should just die.
Please, please, please.
Let's try not to be drown by the past.
I need to hurt myself more
I should be happy to have met them and know them as a person that help me change my life in everyway, not misses them in every bittersweets of way
I need to starve myself
I need to hurt myself more
I should be happy to have met them and know them as a person that help me change my life in everyway, not misses them in every bittersweets of way
I need to starve myself
June 11, 2025 at 11:50 PM
Let's try not to be drown by the past.
I need to hurt myself more
I should be happy to have met them and know them as a person that help me change my life in everyway, not misses them in every bittersweets of way
I need to starve myself
I need to hurt myself more
I should be happy to have met them and know them as a person that help me change my life in everyway, not misses them in every bittersweets of way
I need to starve myself
In the middle of a migraine due to :
1. Song writing
2. "I wish i was in 2009"
3. Thesis
4. Loneliness rotation
5. Blue old love shenanigans
6. How to make that one song from 4 years ago
7. Too many wet shit
8. Cigarettes crave
9. Try to lose weight (had only coffee and water since monday)
10. Flu
1. Song writing
2. "I wish i was in 2009"
3. Thesis
4. Loneliness rotation
5. Blue old love shenanigans
6. How to make that one song from 4 years ago
7. Too many wet shit
8. Cigarettes crave
9. Try to lose weight (had only coffee and water since monday)
10. Flu
May 27, 2025 at 11:13 AM
In the middle of a migraine due to :
1. Song writing
2. "I wish i was in 2009"
3. Thesis
4. Loneliness rotation
5. Blue old love shenanigans
6. How to make that one song from 4 years ago
7. Too many wet shit
8. Cigarettes crave
9. Try to lose weight (had only coffee and water since monday)
10. Flu
1. Song writing
2. "I wish i was in 2009"
3. Thesis
4. Loneliness rotation
5. Blue old love shenanigans
6. How to make that one song from 4 years ago
7. Too many wet shit
8. Cigarettes crave
9. Try to lose weight (had only coffee and water since monday)
10. Flu
I should stop using cigarettes as a way to start the day, a routine.
May 19, 2025 at 6:46 AM
I should stop using cigarettes as a way to start the day, a routine.
At least this window looks like tv girl.
April 20, 2025 at 11:21 AM
At least this window looks like tv girl.
I haven't slept for the next 28 hours because of the thesis and the nightclub invite.
Loud music doesn't put me upto dance after the next 3 can of redbulls
Out of my prime and fucking dead, just dead.
I came home with a broken car at 4 am, i felt like my kidney is about to fall.
Hi alone, im me.
Loud music doesn't put me upto dance after the next 3 can of redbulls
Out of my prime and fucking dead, just dead.
I came home with a broken car at 4 am, i felt like my kidney is about to fall.
Hi alone, im me.
April 20, 2025 at 11:15 AM
I haven't slept for the next 28 hours because of the thesis and the nightclub invite.
Loud music doesn't put me upto dance after the next 3 can of redbulls
Out of my prime and fucking dead, just dead.
I came home with a broken car at 4 am, i felt like my kidney is about to fall.
Hi alone, im me.
Loud music doesn't put me upto dance after the next 3 can of redbulls
Out of my prime and fucking dead, just dead.
I came home with a broken car at 4 am, i felt like my kidney is about to fall.
Hi alone, im me.
Everything is just felt so colourless, always reminiscing the good old days, but even so.
I miss them in the wrong way morally.
The feeling when someone is curious about you, as a nontalkative. With them asking you stuff, hangout, be very close slowly.
I felt like an old ripe fruit now. Just stale
I miss them in the wrong way morally.
The feeling when someone is curious about you, as a nontalkative. With them asking you stuff, hangout, be very close slowly.
I felt like an old ripe fruit now. Just stale
April 14, 2025 at 1:02 AM
Everything is just felt so colourless, always reminiscing the good old days, but even so.
I miss them in the wrong way morally.
The feeling when someone is curious about you, as a nontalkative. With them asking you stuff, hangout, be very close slowly.
I felt like an old ripe fruit now. Just stale
I miss them in the wrong way morally.
The feeling when someone is curious about you, as a nontalkative. With them asking you stuff, hangout, be very close slowly.
I felt like an old ripe fruit now. Just stale
I should have been more grateful to have a time like these, doing thesis with 1 classes for a day that goes on for about 3 days.
I have much more time working on songs and reports AAAAAAA
I have much more time working on songs and reports AAAAAAA
April 13, 2025 at 1:43 PM
I should have been more grateful to have a time like these, doing thesis with 1 classes for a day that goes on for about 3 days.
I have much more time working on songs and reports AAAAAAA
I have much more time working on songs and reports AAAAAAA
I just got home a few days ago.
I came back to the wannabe ghibli desk and
I saw a stain on my drawers desk, it was a stain, a blood stain?
Then i use my glasses and Fucking hell dude, i didn't realize it built up like a big smudges there.
How long has it been there? and i just notice now???
I came back to the wannabe ghibli desk and
I saw a stain on my drawers desk, it was a stain, a blood stain?
Then i use my glasses and Fucking hell dude, i didn't realize it built up like a big smudges there.
How long has it been there? and i just notice now???
April 12, 2025 at 8:11 PM
I just got home a few days ago.
I came back to the wannabe ghibli desk and
I saw a stain on my drawers desk, it was a stain, a blood stain?
Then i use my glasses and Fucking hell dude, i didn't realize it built up like a big smudges there.
How long has it been there? and i just notice now???
I came back to the wannabe ghibli desk and
I saw a stain on my drawers desk, it was a stain, a blood stain?
Then i use my glasses and Fucking hell dude, i didn't realize it built up like a big smudges there.
How long has it been there? and i just notice now???
Being in hometown made me stuck with nothing to do.
I am more open to emotion that led me to this entry to write.
But I can't help the feeling.
I miss the two person that had collided moral against another.
I miss blue. so so much things happened with her. But i wish i'm still with pramesthi..
I am more open to emotion that led me to this entry to write.
But I can't help the feeling.
I miss the two person that had collided moral against another.
I miss blue. so so much things happened with her. But i wish i'm still with pramesthi..
April 4, 2025 at 5:42 PM
Being in hometown made me stuck with nothing to do.
I am more open to emotion that led me to this entry to write.
But I can't help the feeling.
I miss the two person that had collided moral against another.
I miss blue. so so much things happened with her. But i wish i'm still with pramesthi..
I am more open to emotion that led me to this entry to write.
But I can't help the feeling.
I miss the two person that had collided moral against another.
I miss blue. so so much things happened with her. But i wish i'm still with pramesthi..
I missed being horny with someone.. the only differences is that i was ugly monkey then..
it was a missing chances. my mom's apartement was a sin, that i did with someone.
If they knew, i would get beaten the shit by my dad.
I'm grateful that i'm not taking it as a proving grounds to everyone...
it was a missing chances. my mom's apartement was a sin, that i did with someone.
If they knew, i would get beaten the shit by my dad.
I'm grateful that i'm not taking it as a proving grounds to everyone...
April 1, 2025 at 1:36 AM
I missed being horny with someone.. the only differences is that i was ugly monkey then..
it was a missing chances. my mom's apartement was a sin, that i did with someone.
If they knew, i would get beaten the shit by my dad.
I'm grateful that i'm not taking it as a proving grounds to everyone...
it was a missing chances. my mom's apartement was a sin, that i did with someone.
If they knew, i would get beaten the shit by my dad.
I'm grateful that i'm not taking it as a proving grounds to everyone...
I've got an entire summer before campus starts moving on again.
*Spent weeks discovering rabbit hole and someone's past*
Not that i would leak them.
But I love reading entries or journal and discovering how they are as a person, interesting read, interesting person.
I hope they're doing well...
*Spent weeks discovering rabbit hole and someone's past*
Not that i would leak them.
But I love reading entries or journal and discovering how they are as a person, interesting read, interesting person.
I hope they're doing well...
April 1, 2025 at 1:25 AM
I've got an entire summer before campus starts moving on again.
*Spent weeks discovering rabbit hole and someone's past*
Not that i would leak them.
But I love reading entries or journal and discovering how they are as a person, interesting read, interesting person.
I hope they're doing well...
*Spent weeks discovering rabbit hole and someone's past*
Not that i would leak them.
But I love reading entries or journal and discovering how they are as a person, interesting read, interesting person.
I hope they're doing well...
Just today, the chanting of Idul Fitri echoing the mosque, As a news flash by, Informing the death of my Uncle. Mon, 31, 2025.
the nostalgic smell put me at ease, my thoughts linger preparing that the death is inevitable, That soon my parents will be toll.
No reasons to live, just keep going.
the nostalgic smell put me at ease, my thoughts linger preparing that the death is inevitable, That soon my parents will be toll.
No reasons to live, just keep going.
March 30, 2025 at 11:48 PM
Just today, the chanting of Idul Fitri echoing the mosque, As a news flash by, Informing the death of my Uncle. Mon, 31, 2025.
the nostalgic smell put me at ease, my thoughts linger preparing that the death is inevitable, That soon my parents will be toll.
No reasons to live, just keep going.
the nostalgic smell put me at ease, my thoughts linger preparing that the death is inevitable, That soon my parents will be toll.
No reasons to live, just keep going.
I cannot be, with these barren thoughts.
I'll make my own future with sleepless night, and Heavy throat with scissors stabbing through my skin.
I will put many entry as long as i am Hell itself slowly peeled out.
I'll make my own future with sleepless night, and Heavy throat with scissors stabbing through my skin.
I will put many entry as long as i am Hell itself slowly peeled out.
March 30, 2025 at 7:40 AM
I cannot be, with these barren thoughts.
I'll make my own future with sleepless night, and Heavy throat with scissors stabbing through my skin.
I will put many entry as long as i am Hell itself slowly peeled out.
I'll make my own future with sleepless night, and Heavy throat with scissors stabbing through my skin.
I will put many entry as long as i am Hell itself slowly peeled out.
Please make me strong to be true with my own words.
March 26, 2025 at 11:22 PM
Please make me strong to be true with my own words.
I missed blue, so bad.
I wish i was good enough to understand what was happening then.
I wish i was good enough to understand what was happening then.
March 14, 2025 at 2:24 PM
I missed blue, so bad.
I wish i was good enough to understand what was happening then.
I wish i was good enough to understand what was happening then.
It's just so sad to hear someone, with the wrong mindset of accepting things blissfully, It's their beliefs & You know you can't help him, neither do i, you just wait until time got him.
He sounds hopeless, I'm not ready to see him die yet, I don't believe that he will be in my hearts and dream.
He sounds hopeless, I'm not ready to see him die yet, I don't believe that he will be in my hearts and dream.
March 3, 2025 at 5:21 AM
It's just so sad to hear someone, with the wrong mindset of accepting things blissfully, It's their beliefs & You know you can't help him, neither do i, you just wait until time got him.
He sounds hopeless, I'm not ready to see him die yet, I don't believe that he will be in my hearts and dream.
He sounds hopeless, I'm not ready to see him die yet, I don't believe that he will be in my hearts and dream.
As a guy with problems knowing my best friend had problems and with one insufferable dude in the group is convince me enough for me to shut up for once.
Everyone with their own self hatred and unfortunate events, it's not about love.
Everyone with their own self hatred and unfortunate events, it's not about love.
March 2, 2025 at 4:06 PM
As a guy with problems knowing my best friend had problems and with one insufferable dude in the group is convince me enough for me to shut up for once.
Everyone with their own self hatred and unfortunate events, it's not about love.
Everyone with their own self hatred and unfortunate events, it's not about love.
At times like these, who am i suppose to call..
February 27, 2025 at 12:13 PM
At times like these, who am i suppose to call..
After all that cuddle, flirt. Childs play, ciggarrette exchange as if it's something new to everyone
They gave you a decision for you to take, even more than anyone could ever complaint of.
What's holding you back?
They gave you a decision for you to take, even more than anyone could ever complaint of.
What's holding you back?
February 11, 2025 at 1:20 AM
After all that cuddle, flirt. Childs play, ciggarrette exchange as if it's something new to everyone
They gave you a decision for you to take, even more than anyone could ever complaint of.
What's holding you back?
They gave you a decision for you to take, even more than anyone could ever complaint of.
What's holding you back?
Burning your hand with a cigarette? It would make a hole in there.
My love, are you alright?
My love, are you alright?
February 3, 2025 at 1:37 PM
Burning your hand with a cigarette? It would make a hole in there.
My love, are you alright?
My love, are you alright?
Listening to this shit again after 4 years felt like a slap in the head.
Even tho at the time the world is falling apart because of what happened with pramesthi
4 years, confused. to just accepting things wouldn't be the same as they are, i guess that's just how indri, would me to like it.
Even tho at the time the world is falling apart because of what happened with pramesthi
4 years, confused. to just accepting things wouldn't be the same as they are, i guess that's just how indri, would me to like it.
January 28, 2025 at 2:28 PM
Listening to this shit again after 4 years felt like a slap in the head.
Even tho at the time the world is falling apart because of what happened with pramesthi
4 years, confused. to just accepting things wouldn't be the same as they are, i guess that's just how indri, would me to like it.
Even tho at the time the world is falling apart because of what happened with pramesthi
4 years, confused. to just accepting things wouldn't be the same as they are, i guess that's just how indri, would me to like it.
2025 resolutions turns into 2023
January 19, 2025 at 11:12 AM
2025 resolutions turns into 2023
just lock the shit out of someone's motorcycle that i hate haha
January 16, 2025 at 12:45 PM
just lock the shit out of someone's motorcycle that i hate haha
The feeling is very mutual, i've been here before no matter ridiculous the situation is, it brought the same feelings.
It does not hurt me as it did the first time, there is no constant anxiety to worry about it.
At the end of the day, i'm not suprised.
It does not hurt me as it did the first time, there is no constant anxiety to worry about it.
At the end of the day, i'm not suprised.
January 6, 2025 at 8:08 AM
The feeling is very mutual, i've been here before no matter ridiculous the situation is, it brought the same feelings.
It does not hurt me as it did the first time, there is no constant anxiety to worry about it.
At the end of the day, i'm not suprised.
It does not hurt me as it did the first time, there is no constant anxiety to worry about it.
At the end of the day, i'm not suprised.