S is for ⭐️ve
@selfawarehealing.bsky.social
a digital record of my journey through an ED
SW: 230
CW: 222 📉
GW: 120
they/them
25
ana/arfid
recovery-oriented
SW: 230
CW: 222 📉
GW: 120
they/them
25
ana/arfid
recovery-oriented
Day 16: Was doing better in terms of intrusive thoughts and worrying less about calories, and then I ended up in the ER for a kidney stone. Sooo I'm probably gonna either lose a lot of weight from the nausea, or gain a lot from stress eating
August 5, 2025 at 3:05 AM
Day 16: Was doing better in terms of intrusive thoughts and worrying less about calories, and then I ended up in the ER for a kidney stone. Sooo I'm probably gonna either lose a lot of weight from the nausea, or gain a lot from stress eating
The hunger makes me delirious.
The hunger makes me dissociate.
The hunger should motivate me.
The hunger is my friend.
But it eats at my soul, not just my fat.
The hunger makes me dissociate.
The hunger should motivate me.
The hunger is my friend.
But it eats at my soul, not just my fat.
August 3, 2025 at 4:00 AM
The hunger makes me delirious.
The hunger makes me dissociate.
The hunger should motivate me.
The hunger is my friend.
But it eats at my soul, not just my fat.
The hunger makes me dissociate.
The hunger should motivate me.
The hunger is my friend.
But it eats at my soul, not just my fat.
why is mine so unhinged and horny??
August 3, 2025 at 2:22 AM
why is mine so unhinged and horny??
Partner reminded me today that they adore my body no matter what when I brought up I was gonna get a wax. They probably don't know how much that means to me..
#caterpillarsky
#caterpillarsky
August 3, 2025 at 2:12 AM
Partner reminded me today that they adore my body no matter what when I brought up I was gonna get a wax. They probably don't know how much that means to me..
#caterpillarsky
#caterpillarsky
I'm honestly too weak-willed for this disorder. Don't know how I thought me, the least motivated person ever, could ever stay consistent with an ED.
I can't give up cause I hate looking in the mirror too much, but I'm also probably going to break every fast I try.
#caterpillarsky
I can't give up cause I hate looking in the mirror too much, but I'm also probably going to break every fast I try.
#caterpillarsky
August 3, 2025 at 2:07 AM
I'm honestly too weak-willed for this disorder. Don't know how I thought me, the least motivated person ever, could ever stay consistent with an ED.
I can't give up cause I hate looking in the mirror too much, but I'm also probably going to break every fast I try.
#caterpillarsky
I can't give up cause I hate looking in the mirror too much, but I'm also probably going to break every fast I try.
#caterpillarsky
not a big fan of antis showing up on my saved feeds cause they use the keywords while they bash us for having disorders 🙃
August 2, 2025 at 10:06 PM
not a big fan of antis showing up on my saved feeds cause they use the keywords while they bash us for having disorders 🙃
Way easier to ignore hunger when I'm hanging out with my partner, thank god
August 2, 2025 at 9:41 PM
Way easier to ignore hunger when I'm hanging out with my partner, thank god
Day 15: Gained a pound back...
August 2, 2025 at 3:18 PM
Day 15: Gained a pound back...
Heart palpitations again tonight, eugh, guess it's my punishment for pigging out tonight
August 2, 2025 at 5:59 AM
Heart palpitations again tonight, eugh, guess it's my punishment for pigging out tonight
The second I started losing weight, my ADHD goes "oh cool, so we can stop trying now and eat treats again", like no, you idiot, this is literally the starting line, we're not stopping till we got hip dips
August 2, 2025 at 5:59 AM
The second I started losing weight, my ADHD goes "oh cool, so we can stop trying now and eat treats again", like no, you idiot, this is literally the starting line, we're not stopping till we got hip dips
Also been constantly breaking out in these horrible zits and pimples all over my neck and shoulders since I was over 200, it makes me feel so gross and ugly even though literally no one sees it and acne is very normal.
August 2, 2025 at 5:56 AM
Also been constantly breaking out in these horrible zits and pimples all over my neck and shoulders since I was over 200, it makes me feel so gross and ugly even though literally no one sees it and acne is very normal.
Weirdly comforting to see that all my mutuals are also having shitty nights. Got horrible news about a job today, so I over ate, and I didn't even exercise today cause my legs needed to recover. Fuck...
#caterpillarsky
#caterpillarsky
August 2, 2025 at 5:51 AM
Weirdly comforting to see that all my mutuals are also having shitty nights. Got horrible news about a job today, so I over ate, and I didn't even exercise today cause my legs needed to recover. Fuck...
#caterpillarsky
#caterpillarsky
Day 14: Easy hack for avoiding meals, just sleep until 2:30pm lol
August 1, 2025 at 7:55 PM
Day 14: Easy hack for avoiding meals, just sleep until 2:30pm lol
Making weight goal moodboards, except I look up my actual body type so I'm not completely delulu about it
August 1, 2025 at 3:31 AM
Making weight goal moodboards, except I look up my actual body type so I'm not completely delulu about it
Very frustrating, should have done my research before buying a regular bathroom scale. Turns out anything besides a medical-grade scale won't give you super accurate numbers based on a number of things. I don't want to waste more money on another one, but my curiosity is killing me
August 1, 2025 at 2:21 AM
Very frustrating, should have done my research before buying a regular bathroom scale. Turns out anything besides a medical-grade scale won't give you super accurate numbers based on a number of things. I don't want to waste more money on another one, but my curiosity is killing me
Actually feeling sore from doing squats in VR, lets fucking go. Very much enjoy feeling the fruits of my labor (please god gimme an addiction to working out, that'd fix half my life's problems 🙏)
August 1, 2025 at 1:38 AM
Actually feeling sore from doing squats in VR, lets fucking go. Very much enjoy feeling the fruits of my labor (please god gimme an addiction to working out, that'd fix half my life's problems 🙏)
Day 13: Starting to think my scale isn't super accurate, it gave me 227, then 230, then 229. Just gonna take the win and assume I'm down another pound 💪
July 31, 2025 at 6:25 PM
Day 13: Starting to think my scale isn't super accurate, it gave me 227, then 230, then 229. Just gonna take the win and assume I'm down another pound 💪
God, if finance stress ruins my progress, I'm going to personally wrangle the neck of whichever ancestor gave me these fucked up disabilities that keep me from a normal job
July 31, 2025 at 4:42 AM
God, if finance stress ruins my progress, I'm going to personally wrangle the neck of whichever ancestor gave me these fucked up disabilities that keep me from a normal job
I'm going to visit my partner in September, and I'll only lose another 18 pounds at my current rate. That won't even put me below 200, I'll be at 212, what a joke. Thank god she loves me enough for both of us, cause that's just embarrassing
July 31, 2025 at 4:29 AM
I'm going to visit my partner in September, and I'll only lose another 18 pounds at my current rate. That won't even put me below 200, I'll be at 212, what a joke. Thank god she loves me enough for both of us, cause that's just embarrassing
Day 12: When your calorie deficit isn't even dangerous and is actually a healthy daily amount. And you realize that you really were just pigging out and it's not in your head...
July 31, 2025 at 4:26 AM
Day 12: When your calorie deficit isn't even dangerous and is actually a healthy daily amount. And you realize that you really were just pigging out and it's not in your head...
Lighting cinnamon candles for warm vibes: 🙂
Cinnamon smell tricks my nose into smelling breakfast and makes me extremely hungry: ☹️
Cinnamon smell tricks my nose into smelling breakfast and makes me extremely hungry: ☹️
July 31, 2025 at 4:24 AM
Lighting cinnamon candles for warm vibes: 🙂
Cinnamon smell tricks my nose into smelling breakfast and makes me extremely hungry: ☹️
Cinnamon smell tricks my nose into smelling breakfast and makes me extremely hungry: ☹️
Woof, 300c over the limit today, hate that a safe food I have is so dense. I'm still recovering from these godawful cramps tho, so I won't be able to work it off for a minute 😔
July 29, 2025 at 11:41 PM
Woof, 300c over the limit today, hate that a safe food I have is so dense. I'm still recovering from these godawful cramps tho, so I won't be able to work it off for a minute 😔
Day 11: Down only 0.4 pounds today, but we're still on the right track. Discovered that my scale's balance is really weird tho and the number changes by several pounds if I'm not standing perfectly upright. Hoping I can get the hang of it,,
July 29, 2025 at 11:10 PM
Day 11: Down only 0.4 pounds today, but we're still on the right track. Discovered that my scale's balance is really weird tho and the number changes by several pounds if I'm not standing perfectly upright. Hoping I can get the hang of it,,
Actually did pretty decent today, and with little hunger pains. didn't exercise and I can definitely feel the lethargy in my limbs, but still a win in my book :)
July 29, 2025 at 5:48 AM
Actually did pretty decent today, and with little hunger pains. didn't exercise and I can definitely feel the lethargy in my limbs, but still a win in my book :)