Our exam officer dropped them an email. Response was “all students took the paper that was intended for them and all papers have been delivered correctly”

Thought my alarm had gone off, but that I’d accidentally changed the tone.

Sounds like you’re in a pretty rough place. Do you have anyone you can speak to? If not: www.samaritansusa.org/contact.php (this seems a much bigger organisation in the UK but best I could find). I love your contributions to the newsletter and your musings on cycling on here.