Id fucking kill myself if I wasn't so much of a coward. It's all I deserve anyways. But my dear has led me to suffer more and burden more people by being around.

I'm sorry I've done nothing but burden people, if I could just silently and quietly die I would. But I'm a coward.

God I hate myself, I had a long typed dump of just emotions and thoughts and now it's gone, no drafts nothing. I don't deserve to vent anyways.

Why? Why has everything I've ever been told growing up, That it was selfish to seek help for yourself, that if you don't dedicate yourself to others you're a horrible person, that if I didn't sacrifice myself to help others emotionally and physically, why is it now wrong?