Johnny Lang
@scotchandrants.bsky.social
Rich guy extraordinaire. Day trader. Deep thinker. Deep-sea fisher. Scotch drinker!
American patriot, Rambler, Ranter, Republican at birth—no, at conception! Life is great, but mine’s better!
Follow for wisdom, success & the only opinion that matters!
American patriot, Rambler, Ranter, Republican at birth—no, at conception! Life is great, but mine’s better!
Follow for wisdom, success & the only opinion that matters!
God, this sounds like that Old Testament wrath! Good thing Republicans are your favorite. We hate everyone equally! (except the poor—that's business). Heaven’s probably a swing state, right? Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me. Love thy neighbor blah blah blah—unless they’re Democrat—am I right!
December 31, 2024 at 8:46 PM
God, this sounds like that Old Testament wrath! Good thing Republicans are your favorite. We hate everyone equally! (except the poor—that's business). Heaven’s probably a swing state, right? Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me. Love thy neighbor blah blah blah—unless they’re Democrat—am I right!
Part 2/2
Anyway in the spirit of honoring past legends-Let’s raise a glass to the old men (and women) who’ve left us all a little better off. Cheers to the legends!
PS. Thanks Jimmy - Even your best intentions gave us republicans something to complain about for decades!
Anyway in the spirit of honoring past legends-Let’s raise a glass to the old men (and women) who’ve left us all a little better off. Cheers to the legends!
PS. Thanks Jimmy - Even your best intentions gave us republicans something to complain about for decades!
December 30, 2024 at 2:25 PM
Part 2/2
Anyway in the spirit of honoring past legends-Let’s raise a glass to the old men (and women) who’ve left us all a little better off. Cheers to the legends!
PS. Thanks Jimmy - Even your best intentions gave us republicans something to complain about for decades!
Anyway in the spirit of honoring past legends-Let’s raise a glass to the old men (and women) who’ve left us all a little better off. Cheers to the legends!
PS. Thanks Jimmy - Even your best intentions gave us republicans something to complain about for decades!
Part 1/2
Neil, you’re a genius, even among Republicans, but comparing Jimmy Carter to Edwin Hubble? That’s peanuts and caviar man!
One inspired us to lift our gaze to the heavens—The other left us staring at the stars, wondering why we’re still broke.
#NotTheSame
#RIP
Neil, you’re a genius, even among Republicans, but comparing Jimmy Carter to Edwin Hubble? That’s peanuts and caviar man!
One inspired us to lift our gaze to the heavens—The other left us staring at the stars, wondering why we’re still broke.
#NotTheSame
#RIP
December 30, 2024 at 2:25 PM
Part 1/2
Neil, you’re a genius, even among Republicans, but comparing Jimmy Carter to Edwin Hubble? That’s peanuts and caviar man!
One inspired us to lift our gaze to the heavens—The other left us staring at the stars, wondering why we’re still broke.
#NotTheSame
#RIP
Neil, you’re a genius, even among Republicans, but comparing Jimmy Carter to Edwin Hubble? That’s peanuts and caviar man!
One inspired us to lift our gaze to the heavens—The other left us staring at the stars, wondering why we’re still broke.
#NotTheSame
#RIP
Listen up kiddos: I know its trendy to bash Fox News but here’s the truth—you just don’t have the brain wrinkles yet to grasp Rupert Murdoch’s galaxy-brain genius.
Its not just news–it’s a 24/7 masterclass in how to scare people into doing your bidding. Thats power—& power never goes out of style.
Its not just news–it’s a 24/7 masterclass in how to scare people into doing your bidding. Thats power—& power never goes out of style.
December 24, 2024 at 12:43 PM
Listen up kiddos: I know its trendy to bash Fox News but here’s the truth—you just don’t have the brain wrinkles yet to grasp Rupert Murdoch’s galaxy-brain genius.
Its not just news–it’s a 24/7 masterclass in how to scare people into doing your bidding. Thats power—& power never goes out of style.
Its not just news–it’s a 24/7 masterclass in how to scare people into doing your bidding. Thats power—& power never goes out of style.
Fiona, sweetheart, you’re absolutely right! I’ll be sure to ask Santa to put a sense of humor for you at the top of his list.
While we're at it maybe Santa can get you a pair of socks. They’re a lifesaver when you’re walking all over someone else’s jokes.
Merry Christmas,
– Uncle Johnny
While we're at it maybe Santa can get you a pair of socks. They’re a lifesaver when you’re walking all over someone else’s jokes.
Merry Christmas,
– Uncle Johnny
December 24, 2024 at 12:06 PM
Fiona, sweetheart, you’re absolutely right! I’ll be sure to ask Santa to put a sense of humor for you at the top of his list.
While we're at it maybe Santa can get you a pair of socks. They’re a lifesaver when you’re walking all over someone else’s jokes.
Merry Christmas,
– Uncle Johnny
While we're at it maybe Santa can get you a pair of socks. They’re a lifesaver when you’re walking all over someone else’s jokes.
Merry Christmas,
– Uncle Johnny
Socks, sweetheart—the foundation of civilized society. Without them, it’s all blisters and bad feet.
But hey, I get it—shopping for socks might cut into your scented candle time. Don’t worry, Uncle Johnny’s got Christmas covered while you keep the pedicure spa economy alive. Teamwork!
Merry Xmas
But hey, I get it—shopping for socks might cut into your scented candle time. Don’t worry, Uncle Johnny’s got Christmas covered while you keep the pedicure spa economy alive. Teamwork!
Merry Xmas
December 24, 2024 at 9:57 AM
Socks, sweetheart—the foundation of civilized society. Without them, it’s all blisters and bad feet.
But hey, I get it—shopping for socks might cut into your scented candle time. Don’t worry, Uncle Johnny’s got Christmas covered while you keep the pedicure spa economy alive. Teamwork!
Merry Xmas
But hey, I get it—shopping for socks might cut into your scented candle time. Don’t worry, Uncle Johnny’s got Christmas covered while you keep the pedicure spa economy alive. Teamwork!
Merry Xmas
Let Uncle Johnny drop some knowledge on you: You say you don’t care, yet here you are announcing it—like we care if you care.
Without me, you’re just a cold, spiraling mess. Admit it, Universe, you love me & I like you! It’s meant to be. After this, let’s grab steaks and scotch—you’re buying.
Without me, you’re just a cold, spiraling mess. Admit it, Universe, you love me & I like you! It’s meant to be. After this, let’s grab steaks and scotch—you’re buying.
December 24, 2024 at 9:47 AM
Let Uncle Johnny drop some knowledge on you: You say you don’t care, yet here you are announcing it—like we care if you care.
Without me, you’re just a cold, spiraling mess. Admit it, Universe, you love me & I like you! It’s meant to be. After this, let’s grab steaks and scotch—you’re buying.
Without me, you’re just a cold, spiraling mess. Admit it, Universe, you love me & I like you! It’s meant to be. After this, let’s grab steaks and scotch—you’re buying.
That’s not how you sexism, kid—take notes. We men wait till the last minute because we don’t need 2 weeks, 14 stores, a coffee break, & a scented candle detour just to pick out socks. It’s called efficiency. But sure, keep blaming us for the Christmas chaos. We’ll take the heat—& still finish first!
December 24, 2024 at 9:32 AM
That’s not how you sexism, kid—take notes. We men wait till the last minute because we don’t need 2 weeks, 14 stores, a coffee break, & a scented candle detour just to pick out socks. It’s called efficiency. But sure, keep blaming us for the Christmas chaos. We’ll take the heat—& still finish first!
Part 3/3:
And honestly? All this 'scandal' talk is just jealousy. He got the flights, the cash, the chaos, and you got...another Monday.
Real tragedy here is you all thinking democracy isn’t just a high-stakes poker game for rich guys like me. Gaetz just played his cards.
And honestly? All this 'scandal' talk is just jealousy. He got the flights, the cash, the chaos, and you got...another Monday.
Real tragedy here is you all thinking democracy isn’t just a high-stakes poker game for rich guys like me. Gaetz just played his cards.
December 23, 2024 at 2:28 PM
Part 3/3:
And honestly? All this 'scandal' talk is just jealousy. He got the flights, the cash, the chaos, and you got...another Monday.
Real tragedy here is you all thinking democracy isn’t just a high-stakes poker game for rich guys like me. Gaetz just played his cards.
And honestly? All this 'scandal' talk is just jealousy. He got the flights, the cash, the chaos, and you got...another Monday.
Real tragedy here is you all thinking democracy isn’t just a high-stakes poker game for rich guys like me. Gaetz just played his cards.
Part 2/3:
I mean, why not turn taxpayer time into bottle service? You’re the suckers funding it!
If you can’t win the system, might as well grift the system—Gaetz just had the guts to live the dream while you work yourselves to death.
I mean, why not turn taxpayer time into bottle service? You’re the suckers funding it!
If you can’t win the system, might as well grift the system—Gaetz just had the guts to live the dream while you work yourselves to death.
December 23, 2024 at 2:28 PM
Part 2/3:
I mean, why not turn taxpayer time into bottle service? You’re the suckers funding it!
If you can’t win the system, might as well grift the system—Gaetz just had the guts to live the dream while you work yourselves to death.
I mean, why not turn taxpayer time into bottle service? You’re the suckers funding it!
If you can’t win the system, might as well grift the system—Gaetz just had the guts to live the dream while you work yourselves to death.
Part 1/3:
Matt Gaetz—a true visionary! While you poor bastards were clocking in at your 9-to-5s, he was turning Congress into his personal VIP lounge. $90k on party favors? A 17-year-old? Please, that's just networking. The man’s practically a congressional saint.
Matt Gaetz—a true visionary! While you poor bastards were clocking in at your 9-to-5s, he was turning Congress into his personal VIP lounge. $90k on party favors? A 17-year-old? Please, that's just networking. The man’s practically a congressional saint.
December 23, 2024 at 2:28 PM
Part 1/3:
Matt Gaetz—a true visionary! While you poor bastards were clocking in at your 9-to-5s, he was turning Congress into his personal VIP lounge. $90k on party favors? A 17-year-old? Please, that's just networking. The man’s practically a congressional saint.
Matt Gaetz—a true visionary! While you poor bastards were clocking in at your 9-to-5s, he was turning Congress into his personal VIP lounge. $90k on party favors? A 17-year-old? Please, that's just networking. The man’s practically a congressional saint.
Part 2:
Gaetz's biggest crime? Making us all jealous—who wouldn’t want a Capitol Hill email for weed orders?
At least he’s consistent: proving over and over that morals are just for the poor.
Bravo, Matt. Truly the politician we deserve!
Gaetz's biggest crime? Making us all jealous—who wouldn’t want a Capitol Hill email for weed orders?
At least he’s consistent: proving over and over that morals are just for the poor.
Bravo, Matt. Truly the politician we deserve!
December 23, 2024 at 2:15 PM
Part 2:
Gaetz's biggest crime? Making us all jealous—who wouldn’t want a Capitol Hill email for weed orders?
At least he’s consistent: proving over and over that morals are just for the poor.
Bravo, Matt. Truly the politician we deserve!
Gaetz's biggest crime? Making us all jealous—who wouldn’t want a Capitol Hill email for weed orders?
At least he’s consistent: proving over and over that morals are just for the poor.
Bravo, Matt. Truly the politician we deserve!
Part 1:
Matt Gaetz: living proof that being rich and powerful means consequences are just suggestions.
$90k in 'party favors' and statutory oopsies? Sounds like a resume for high office in "our" America.
Why lock him up when we can just give him a passport to the Bahamas?"
Matt Gaetz: living proof that being rich and powerful means consequences are just suggestions.
$90k in 'party favors' and statutory oopsies? Sounds like a resume for high office in "our" America.
Why lock him up when we can just give him a passport to the Bahamas?"
December 23, 2024 at 2:15 PM
Part 1:
Matt Gaetz: living proof that being rich and powerful means consequences are just suggestions.
$90k in 'party favors' and statutory oopsies? Sounds like a resume for high office in "our" America.
Why lock him up when we can just give him a passport to the Bahamas?"
Matt Gaetz: living proof that being rich and powerful means consequences are just suggestions.
$90k in 'party favors' and statutory oopsies? Sounds like a resume for high office in "our" America.
Why lock him up when we can just give him a passport to the Bahamas?"
We elected Trump—but we upgraded to Prez Musk. Think about it: Elon’s got spaceX, Tesla & $430B. Trump grifted $6B in MAGA merch–Musk spent that to change Twitter’s logo.
Say what you want about Musk, but the guy bought the election like a true capitalist hero.
Isn’t that what America’s all about?
Say what you want about Musk, but the guy bought the election like a true capitalist hero.
Isn’t that what America’s all about?
December 22, 2024 at 9:56 PM
We elected Trump—but we upgraded to Prez Musk. Think about it: Elon’s got spaceX, Tesla & $430B. Trump grifted $6B in MAGA merch–Musk spent that to change Twitter’s logo.
Say what you want about Musk, but the guy bought the election like a true capitalist hero.
Isn’t that what America’s all about?
Say what you want about Musk, but the guy bought the election like a true capitalist hero.
Isn’t that what America’s all about?
Congrats on proving politicians are just two sides of the same coin—flipped for the show, and pocketed by the rich.
Keep cashing those checks, champ!
Keep cashing those checks, champ!
December 22, 2024 at 6:06 PM
Congrats on proving politicians are just two sides of the same coin—flipped for the show, and pocketed by the rich.
Keep cashing those checks, champ!
Keep cashing those checks, champ!
What a performance! You stood up to Trump just enough to let him waltz right back into the White House.
Real MVP energy! While you’re busy taking a victory lap for a job half-done, the rest of us are placing bets on which comes first—democracy’s collapse or the end of the planet!
Real MVP energy! While you’re busy taking a victory lap for a job half-done, the rest of us are placing bets on which comes first—democracy’s collapse or the end of the planet!
December 22, 2024 at 6:06 PM
What a performance! You stood up to Trump just enough to let him waltz right back into the White House.
Real MVP energy! While you’re busy taking a victory lap for a job half-done, the rest of us are placing bets on which comes first—democracy’s collapse or the end of the planet!
Real MVP energy! While you’re busy taking a victory lap for a job half-done, the rest of us are placing bets on which comes first—democracy’s collapse or the end of the planet!
If I were an all-powerful cosmic daddy, I’d probably give my kid some fishing gear, maybe a net or something? … or a new bike?
...maybe a hammer, some wood, and nails?
Actually, scratch that— get him a hug & a meaningful card stuffed with cash!
Because let’s face it, cash is still king!
...maybe a hammer, some wood, and nails?
Actually, scratch that— get him a hug & a meaningful card stuffed with cash!
Because let’s face it, cash is still king!
December 22, 2024 at 5:43 PM
If I were an all-powerful cosmic daddy, I’d probably give my kid some fishing gear, maybe a net or something? … or a new bike?
...maybe a hammer, some wood, and nails?
Actually, scratch that— get him a hug & a meaningful card stuffed with cash!
Because let’s face it, cash is still king!
...maybe a hammer, some wood, and nails?
Actually, scratch that— get him a hug & a meaningful card stuffed with cash!
Because let’s face it, cash is still king!
I'm Batman!
Well, more like Bruce Wayne… I don't punch people—what do you think money's for?
Why throw a punch when you can just bankroll an army of people to do it for you? Justice, outsourced—Then write it off as a business expense, and still make it home for scotch and stocks.
See, I'm Bruce!
Well, more like Bruce Wayne… I don't punch people—what do you think money's for?
Why throw a punch when you can just bankroll an army of people to do it for you? Justice, outsourced—Then write it off as a business expense, and still make it home for scotch and stocks.
See, I'm Bruce!
December 22, 2024 at 12:46 PM
I'm Batman!
Well, more like Bruce Wayne… I don't punch people—what do you think money's for?
Why throw a punch when you can just bankroll an army of people to do it for you? Justice, outsourced—Then write it off as a business expense, and still make it home for scotch and stocks.
See, I'm Bruce!
Well, more like Bruce Wayne… I don't punch people—what do you think money's for?
Why throw a punch when you can just bankroll an army of people to do it for you? Justice, outsourced—Then write it off as a business expense, and still make it home for scotch and stocks.
See, I'm Bruce!
Nice try Satan but Im colorblind—I only see shades of green & the only fruit I mess with is Macintosh—its the kind that pays dividends.
You can keep your blue bananas; I’ll stick to assets that actually grow—unless we’re talking about land, gold, or precious metals—God isnt making any more of that.
You can keep your blue bananas; I’ll stick to assets that actually grow—unless we’re talking about land, gold, or precious metals—God isnt making any more of that.
December 22, 2024 at 3:15 AM
Nice try Satan but Im colorblind—I only see shades of green & the only fruit I mess with is Macintosh—its the kind that pays dividends.
You can keep your blue bananas; I’ll stick to assets that actually grow—unless we’re talking about land, gold, or precious metals—God isnt making any more of that.
You can keep your blue bananas; I’ll stick to assets that actually grow—unless we’re talking about land, gold, or precious metals—God isnt making any more of that.
Easy there, Big Guy! Unity sounds cute and all, but do you know how much harder it is to profit when workers start thinking for themselves?
Division is capitalism’s secret sauce—it keeps my yacht tank full and the plebs too busy bickering to unionize.
Keep up the good work, everyone!
Division is capitalism’s secret sauce—it keeps my yacht tank full and the plebs too busy bickering to unionize.
Keep up the good work, everyone!
December 20, 2024 at 6:15 PM
Easy there, Big Guy! Unity sounds cute and all, but do you know how much harder it is to profit when workers start thinking for themselves?
Division is capitalism’s secret sauce—it keeps my yacht tank full and the plebs too busy bickering to unionize.
Keep up the good work, everyone!
Division is capitalism’s secret sauce—it keeps my yacht tank full and the plebs too busy bickering to unionize.
Keep up the good work, everyone!
Public schools? If your kids can’t afford private, maybe they weren’t meant to be scholars.
Roads? I’ve got an SUV; potholes build character.
Let’s let the free market take over—who needs 'essentials' anyway?
survival of the richest!
Roads? I’ve got an SUV; potholes build character.
Let’s let the free market take over—who needs 'essentials' anyway?
survival of the richest!
December 20, 2024 at 5:13 PM
Public schools? If your kids can’t afford private, maybe they weren’t meant to be scholars.
Roads? I’ve got an SUV; potholes build character.
Let’s let the free market take over—who needs 'essentials' anyway?
survival of the richest!
Roads? I’ve got an SUV; potholes build character.
Let’s let the free market take over—who needs 'essentials' anyway?
survival of the richest!