Unconscionable levels of Gottfried erasure on display here

Went through a stack of Muppets finding the best fit for "I am Shiva the goddess of death!" and there are zero bad choices. First place a dead heat between Rowlf and Link "Pigs in Space" Hogthrob; Sam the Eagle behind but very much still in the mix, Beaker a dark horse (captions required)

Intern: If I may, sir, you should perhaps bear in mind that most scholars and Biblical historians agree that J-
Murray: Hm?? What's that?
Intern: Nothing sir, lovely weather sir

They're even better if imagined as spoken by Dr. Malcolm.

"They...uh...madealltheJeffGoldblumsfemale, [deliberate intake of breath] unfortunately, it uh uh onlymadethem. Uh. Hornier,... ." [trails off with fixed gaze into middle distance]

[dishing out sour cream] this is bullshit

I wonder if Republicans each have their own little hat that they keep on the top shelf until the next Visit the President Day, or if they just pick one up at the desk and drop it in a big bin strategically positioned behind the door as they leave the Oval Office

Consoled somewhat that the sheer incompetence of this administration leaves a non-zero % chance that Lamb of God has mistakenly been booked as a surprise guest

This is the guy who shits up the Superbowl party by loudly and conspicuously observing that football was a lot better "back when the players were allowed to actually hit each other"

[OK OK I'm done, starting to kinda feel sorry for him]

This guy has had four distinct dreams in the last year about Sean Hannity coming over to his house:
~ flat tire
~ meet cute at Dick's Sporting Goods
~ Sean saw a lengthy comment of his on a Newsmax Jan 6 discussion thread and wants him on as a guest
~ in line together for "Expend4bles"

This guy looks like he'd actually be a pretty cool fella to go fishing with, provided you didn't discuss politics, sports, culture, media, science, philosophy, or relationships.

This guy looks like he stubbornly and with a straight face repeatedly insists that the spooky noises in the woodwork at night are nothing but "the plumbing," until the defeated spirits abandon the premises in bewilderment and disgust.

He looks like he put together all the paperwork for Troy's dad to kick the Goonies out of their cool house

No better time to uncork a classic:

"Take me down to Schrödinger's city
Where the box contains both a live and dead kitty
Taaaake Meeeee HoooOOoome"

The Pats have kept foes guessing all season: one minute they're trying to score, the next they're flipping the script and doing the complete opposite. Meanwhile the veteran Seahawks know all too well that a victory likely comes down to offense, along with an ample helping of (what else?) defense.

I remember wondering as a teenager whether Culture Club came up with the Karma Chameleon tune first or the Karma Chameleon lyrics first, and now decades later i find myself wondering the same about Trump's choice of YMCA and the choice to go with the dual jerkoff

I'm sorry Kristi, it's not you it's my border security legacy

Parent whose income = $201K/yr: *sigh* fucked again

Yeah I'll take "the field" over any of these three entirely rational predictions. If there's one lesson to be learned from Year One of this administration, it's to expect the unexpected*

* defined herein as "something emonstrably worse than whatever a sane person might have reasonably expected"

? Kelly at no point reminds military members that they _must_ not follow illegal orders; that's Chris Deluzio (D-PA). Kelly's exact words: "You _can_ refuse illegal orders." And yes, there's a clear distinction.

Words matter, as @nytimes.com is presumably all too aware.