"i kill people with my mind powers and i'm not proud of it" is not just a funny shirt that's genuinely how i feel LOL

but i do think the way i express myself creatively does that. like it is often depressing and uncomfortable i need to be ok w the fact that that will not be cathartic for everyone reading

i can’t straight face it but believe me i am saying more dad as hell shit every day holding my liquor better than ever and losing sleep over my exes. it’s joever!!!

i got Ragrets .

mourning love. what a way to live. I Love Pain. said every Catholic ever

for how insane this does make me feel it’s also fine bc when i’m this on a roll w writing i also kind of feel like a god. like my mind is taking my lived experience, filtering it, and spitting it out in a garbled mess and i read it back like “ok . Serve Wig”

ie sources of extreme emotional anguish that naturally kick in my need to cope with the one way i really know how - which is of course writing and reflecting situations w my characters

ok nvm im fine. my shit is fine

i genuinely can’t figure out how to not feel like i’m drowning rn. either the things get done or they don’t. not like i can just Stop

like i’m really. done mulling over all its flaws don’t talk to me about that i’m trying to move on to “well! i did my best and i had fun”

it’s NOT that i can’t take criticism i just already have all the criticism from myself that i could ever need i’d be shocked if anyone could point out any faults to it i haven’t already thought of extensively