I just hope Bonnie Tyler is getting all the attention she deserves today.

The best part of a Butterfinger is when it turns your teeth into your own personal filled Kong toy.

The trolley problem except it's the temperature in the office and I will sacrifice literally every other person in order for me to be at a comfortable temperature.

How to explain to people without uteruses why it's like winning the biological jackpot to be in the luteal phase on the day of your Thanksgiving meal?

Imagine falling in love with someone and then finding out they wear jeans at home.

I sure wish the internet would stop making me feel like I need to know, learn, or care about the Roman empire right now.

Normalize being so invested in acting excited to see your dog that you accidentally inhale a little spit and it makes you cough for three full minutes instead.

Everyone's talking about how Bob Barker lived as close to 100 as he could without going over, but nobody's talking about how he talked the talk about spaying and neutering your pets and also walked the walk by getting a vasectomy.

Just went on a date where a guy brought his buddy along. I had a great date with his buddy. The guy I was supposed to be on a date with had a great date with his buddy. Please send me away to live in a farm, I am so tired.

ISO a service that calls me at bedtime every night to explain the rules of a game so that I can empty my mind and get some much needed rest.

Just saw a building with '1904' engraved on the front, and my first thought was 'oh so it's a new construction'.

Unclear if this is more indicative of adjusting to living in Europe, or simply my complete refusal to acknowledge the passing of time.

it's okay to have a little existential crisis while watching a meteor shower, as a treat.