American healthcare:
-mental health isn’t a thing
-teeth are luxury bones

A tanka brought to you by today’s events:

Excel starts strobing
so start dancing in my seat
wrong music playing
select an EDM song
ready Excel dance party

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Friend excitedly explaining the joys of casual hookups and one night stands

My demisexual translation:
1. I find you attractive
2. You find me attractive
3. We rub genitals

Ever walk down stairs in wide leg jeans only to have the heel of your boot catch on the pant leg and you almost trip and fall to your demise and think “Oh shit. Not like this. Not at work”

Me neither

Thus far, nothing has made me feel old like my eyes struggling to focus on what is right in front of me

Hoping for a call about my vision’s extended warranty

Getting a Costco membership in middle age has now become an act of subversion

What a world we live in

Have a cat that acts out every time he doesn’t get what he wants. Drives me crazy. Doesn’t let me sleep

Will comfort me every time I’m upset

Toxic relationships. The call is coming from inside the house

Thinking about a possible future Great Depression

Me and my poor immigrant upbringing: this will be my time to ✨shine✨

“Girl dinner” I think to myself while I eat smoked salmon with avocado, roleplaying as a gym bro who counts his macros

I love how some gestures are universal

-Walk into work kitchen to find mugs are only on the top shelf
-Speak no words, look at a coworker next to me and point
-Get handed a mug

short adult version of “uppies”