Sam Strake
@samstrake.bsky.social
Standup Comedian. Temu Weird Al. Basic Guitar Bro. Improviser. Skitproviser.
📍Austin, TX (new) ✉️ShortKing@samstrake.com
📍Austin, TX (new) ✉️ShortKing@samstrake.com
But they were all of them deceived, for another energy drink was made. In the land of Boca Raton, Florida, the Dark Lord Celcius forged in secret a Fifth Loko, to control all others. And into this drink he poured his cruelty, his malice, and High Noon Vodka.
An unspecified number of cans of Celsius, a caffeinated soft drink, were accidentally filled with High Noon, vodka-spiked seltzer, before they hit shelves, according to a recall notice issued on Tuesday by the FDA.
Mix-Up With Celsius and High Noon Means Some Cans of the Energy Drink May Contain Vodka Seltzer
A mix-up with a packaging supplier resulted in some cans of Celsius, an energy drink containing no alcohol, being filled with vodka seltzer.
nyti.ms
July 30, 2025 at 10:57 PM
But they were all of them deceived, for another energy drink was made. In the land of Boca Raton, Florida, the Dark Lord Celcius forged in secret a Fifth Loko, to control all others. And into this drink he poured his cruelty, his malice, and High Noon Vodka.
I solved the male loneliness epidemic with a $10 book and a park bench. You're welcome.
June 22, 2025 at 10:03 PM
I solved the male loneliness epidemic with a $10 book and a park bench. You're welcome.
..........is that a fucking jojo reference
May 21, 2025 at 2:33 PM
..........is that a fucking jojo reference
Sometimes you don't truly appreciate what you have until it's gone.
Such as– to make up a hypothetical example– the sound guy on adult film sets whose job is to make sure the batteries are changed in all the smoke alarms. Hypothetically.
Such as– to make up a hypothetical example– the sound guy on adult film sets whose job is to make sure the batteries are changed in all the smoke alarms. Hypothetically.
May 18, 2025 at 9:28 PM
Sometimes you don't truly appreciate what you have until it's gone.
Such as– to make up a hypothetical example– the sound guy on adult film sets whose job is to make sure the batteries are changed in all the smoke alarms. Hypothetically.
Such as– to make up a hypothetical example– the sound guy on adult film sets whose job is to make sure the batteries are changed in all the smoke alarms. Hypothetically.
Love how every website has an "Open in App" button that's just a straight-up fucking lie.
May 17, 2025 at 10:05 PM
Love how every website has an "Open in App" button that's just a straight-up fucking lie.
The lesser-known cousin of post nut clarity is when you take a bite out of a block of cheese straight from the fridge, then cut around the teeth marks to make it look like you didn't.
May 16, 2025 at 6:27 PM
The lesser-known cousin of post nut clarity is when you take a bite out of a block of cheese straight from the fridge, then cut around the teeth marks to make it look like you didn't.
Today a man knocked on my door and asked if I wanted to join his ranks. He was pale, had a young face with perfect skin, didn't wear crosses, and wouldn't come inside without an invitation.
Dunno if he was a vampire or a mormon- all I know is he left after I threw garlic at him.
Dunno if he was a vampire or a mormon- all I know is he left after I threw garlic at him.
May 15, 2025 at 1:12 AM
Today a man knocked on my door and asked if I wanted to join his ranks. He was pale, had a young face with perfect skin, didn't wear crosses, and wouldn't come inside without an invitation.
Dunno if he was a vampire or a mormon- all I know is he left after I threw garlic at him.
Dunno if he was a vampire or a mormon- all I know is he left after I threw garlic at him.
My tiny self with my tiny guitar on my tiny motorcycle, in a real-life forced perspective trick, living my best life. Bronco for scale.
May 11, 2025 at 6:50 PM
My tiny self with my tiny guitar on my tiny motorcycle, in a real-life forced perspective trick, living my best life. Bronco for scale.
I feel bad for Dick Van Dyke, younger generations will never know his name because it was practically designed in a lab to get auto-filtered in the comments.
February 21, 2025 at 4:43 PM
I feel bad for Dick Van Dyke, younger generations will never know his name because it was practically designed in a lab to get auto-filtered in the comments.
Mitch McConnell should be celebrated for his moral character— selflessly retiring at 84, right as he’s entering his prime, to spend more time with his four kids: Leonardo, Michelangelo, Donatello, and Raphael.
February 20, 2025 at 7:55 PM
Mitch McConnell should be celebrated for his moral character— selflessly retiring at 84, right as he’s entering his prime, to spend more time with his four kids: Leonardo, Michelangelo, Donatello, and Raphael.
Welp. Time to move to a new country.
February 14, 2025 at 6:51 PM
Welp. Time to move to a new country.
Drake: "With all that everyone has been saying about me in the real world, I found it easy to escape to the world of film."
The film:
The film:
February 14, 2025 at 2:59 PM
Drake: "With all that everyone has been saying about me in the real world, I found it easy to escape to the world of film."
The film:
The film:
I don't know who needs to hear this, but if your job involves making spicy videos in your bedroom please, I'm begging you, change the batteries on your smoke alarm first.
February 13, 2025 at 7:49 PM
I don't know who needs to hear this, but if your job involves making spicy videos in your bedroom please, I'm begging you, change the batteries on your smoke alarm first.
Citric Acid is great because I can use it on popsicles to make them taste good AND on my patio to remove oil paint stains
February 13, 2025 at 5:23 AM
Citric Acid is great because I can use it on popsicles to make them taste good AND on my patio to remove oil paint stains
I was immediately upset after the idea for this new tattoo came to me- because it's so incredibly dumb, and so incredibly perfect that I knew I wasn't going to be able to talk myself out of it.
February 11, 2025 at 4:39 PM
I was immediately upset after the idea for this new tattoo came to me- because it's so incredibly dumb, and so incredibly perfect that I knew I wasn't going to be able to talk myself out of it.
Gonna write a Creed parody song about coming to Jesus called "With Legs Wide Open"
February 11, 2025 at 1:05 AM
Gonna write a Creed parody song about coming to Jesus called "With Legs Wide Open"
If Andy Reid wins his third super bowl today, he and Riley will likely be considered the most successful father-daughter duo of all time. Both absolute legends of their respective fields.
February 9, 2025 at 11:18 PM
If Andy Reid wins his third super bowl today, he and Riley will likely be considered the most successful father-daughter duo of all time. Both absolute legends of their respective fields.
If I had a nickel for every time I posted a video about a dick joke where the majority of viewers were women, I'd have two nickels
February 9, 2025 at 8:18 PM
If I had a nickel for every time I posted a video about a dick joke where the majority of viewers were women, I'd have two nickels
Programmer Brain: if it looks dumb, but it works...
February 9, 2025 at 7:52 PM
Programmer Brain: if it looks dumb, but it works...
Rewatched Logan Lucky last night and the scene where they have a prison riot because they think the warden is lying about Winds of Winter not being out is aging like George Clooney
February 9, 2025 at 4:45 PM
Rewatched Logan Lucky last night and the scene where they have a prison riot because they think the warden is lying about Winds of Winter not being out is aging like George Clooney
It's a known law of the universe that any group of 5 white people in the same room who are dressed slightly differently will, at some point, compare themselves to The Breakfast Club
February 6, 2025 at 3:58 PM
It's a known law of the universe that any group of 5 white people in the same room who are dressed slightly differently will, at some point, compare themselves to The Breakfast Club
Never in my life have I been happier to see a Tesla. I reacted to this shot like it was Captain America's shield.
February 5, 2025 at 4:51 PM
Never in my life have I been happier to see a Tesla. I reacted to this shot like it was Captain America's shield.
As a millennial you'll have to bury me in my skinny jeans. Because I'm never giving them up, and it will be much easier than trying to remove them.
February 5, 2025 at 4:08 PM
As a millennial you'll have to bury me in my skinny jeans. Because I'm never giving them up, and it will be much easier than trying to remove them.
As a UI developer who isalso a bit of a perfectionist, a good 50% of my day is spent yelling the foulest obscenities imaginable at the same 10 pixels
February 4, 2025 at 5:10 PM
As a UI developer who isalso a bit of a perfectionist, a good 50% of my day is spent yelling the foulest obscenities imaginable at the same 10 pixels
Sure therapy's great and all, but you have you tried: *deep inhale* *pause* *slow exhale* "...alright"
February 3, 2025 at 10:51 PM
Sure therapy's great and all, but you have you tried: *deep inhale* *pause* *slow exhale* "...alright"