And scared for my future please bluesky self destruct my phone after i send this i am already cringing and gagging thinking about what im trying to express muting app throwing it away i will go back to my normal self now it will stop eventually it will all be okay i need admiration more then air

Im gonna wake up and read this tomorrow and be totally fine its just the nights getting bad as always i second guess everything and anything anyone says to me i always feel like im being attacked or sidelined i just need someone to talk to but i WONT LET ANYONE TALK TO ME i am so lost and confused

Go through that again i dont have the strength. Things were good and i fucked everything up and i dont even know how i think im doing the right thing and it just kills me. I cannot walk right, i have not stopped feeling sick to my stomach, nothing gets the guttural feeling of failure out of my mouth

I have tried multiple times i just cant help but feel like i am wasting money and time and that i can figure my own problems out and that was just fine until recently. I feel like everything ive worked for is slipping away and im going to have to restart fresh just like i did 5 years ago but i cant

It's mostly imposter syndrome and trust issues, i am afraid to reach out to people and i have no reason not to but i just fear that if im honest about myself to the wrong person it's going to kill me. I do not know what to do, it sounds really dumb but i do not believe in therapy it does not help me

Wassup gle