Steady on Audible!

If you ever want to appear like an expert about a physical object, say something vague and elusive and then smell said object.

When getting #AI to produce code for you, the main thing to remember is that you must get it to write any comments in the style of a movie character or historical figure

Idea for a dating app: you upload your last 3 months’ grocery bills and the computer matches you based solely on what you bought.

Working title: Consume-ation,

You never hear about the Coke Pepsi Challenge but it’s raisins versus sultanas.

Just reading a story about the root vegetable that was wrongly sent to prison. It was a miscarrot of justice.

If I was a barbarian warlord, I would use slices of ham as handkerchiefs.

Stand-up comedians just starting your career: wear a T-shirt that reads “I’ve killed, and I will kill again”

An absolute unit in my garden earlier #squirrel #fatfuck

Describing something as ‘baroque’ to mean it is weird / unusual is, in itself, baroque.

In an unsurprising turn of events…