god i fucking hate this city, but god, seeing a dude, like 2x my size, go from macho tough guy to genuinely about to cry & speeding off is a feeling that'll fuel me for months lmao

also, do you listen to the callous daoboys, ion dissonance,frontierer, the great redneck hope, or rolo tomassi?

they're all somewhat similar (and also do a bunch of crazy metric modulation), i have an entire spotify playlist dedicated to this one specific hyper niche genre lmao

i can't believe i somehow forgot about this band, car bomb is so fucking rad

it'd be so much easier, cheaper, and less stressful if i just mixed a bunch of ativan with a couple blues, like, kinda feels like this whole "not-dying" thing is just my subconscious' latest method of self-harm or something lmao

go to a fucking doctor (bc it's probs not normal to lose vision/pass out almost every time you stand up) and also get back into shape (bc why is my resting heart rate over 100) and fix my diet/start eating 3 meals a day bc how am i almost 30 and have an eating disorder? cringe af

just gotta make some friends and get on SSDI (before temp disability runs out) and figure out permanent housing and fix my teeth and keep up on cleaning and laundry again and find a part-time job WITHOUT letting pride/ego turn it into 60+ hour weeks (it's inevitable) but also dont hate either and

i'm stoked to doing okay and everything, but i'd be lying to say it's not at least a bit overwhelming, trying to fix everything i've been neglecting for years now, like, idk where to even start tbh

this thing weighs like 50 pounds lmao

edit: also any other veggies if your really feeling frisky

this + coconut milk + potatoes (and rice if you feel up to it) makes fantastic curries worth minimal effort!

omg do i? did you go to lava ridge? bc i still have those yearbooks lmao

it gets worse though: whore's bath #3, for over a week, to go to a psychiatrist AND psychotherapist appointment

(thank god neither of them said anything, bc, like, they defs could tell i was stinky, like, right?)

it's when u just scrub yourself with a soapy rag, rinse the rag completely, wipe off the soap with the wet rag, then dry yourself

and well, shit

tbh, I've been mostly browsing a kinda niche mental illness forum which probs isn't applicable, but i used to frequent this, back in the myspace days?
www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/

oh no, i'm talking old school, like the back pages of niche-interest-based websites

recently rediscovered internet forums; total game-changer on this front lmao

also, if you wanna end this blood feud, i'm willing to draw a treaty in exchange for the name of a therapist practicing dialectical materialist philosophy, point-flight-theory, or anything anti-oedipus-related

because of you, i discovered that it's not just jung, but rather the ENTIRE field of clinical psychology, that's entirely dependent on metaphysicality and ✨️vibes✨️, and on rare occasion, an isolated study (usually missing either peer-review or repeated testing)