they all spend their time encouraging me to open up and express myself, only to ignore me when I show any signs of struggle

I'm beginning to believe they don't mean any of it

actually it makes me sad how almost nobody around me seems to care

they all know I've been drowning for *years*, but they just talk about "how worried they are about me" amongs themselves without engaging with me directly. they just stare until I shut up, No "is everything okay?"s, no talking

my friend is going with me, so I don't panic right beforehand and run back home

i dont deserve her

And it's gonna get even more niche. People shit out alphaf*ld models with no experimental validation. Why make a model when you can't confirm its' right to exist in nature? I dunno, but it's easier. Proper structural biology is expensive

It's a niche field, or at least it feels like one. It's hard to ask questions and get actual meaningful answers

Everything is intertwined, everything is complex. You think you understand something, 1000 more connections appear. Suddenly biochemistry won't save you, you need an advanced mathematical model.

It all feels like an elaborate puzzle, except the pieces switch positions and disappear in your hands

my brain is an useless piece of flesh

The problem is I "want" a lot yet I do... nothing

Photo taken with the permission from the lab staff by the way. The kind doctor that works there opened it up and let me take a look :3

Okay I won't be taming anything, the nice lab technician will be putting my grids with sample in and I'll be watching with child-like wonder

representation for freaks who don't want to be human (me)

in the garden by red vox my beloved