The life of a French fence must be exhausting, one day it's a load of snails that like 4 restaurants worldwide even want, the next it's the crown jewels of a country that hasn't existed for 400 years, probably tomorrow it's a thousand baguette baskets carefully handmade from Aquitanian reeds

I’ve been seriously considering one for years and this is gonna be the year I finally do it.

I realized several years back that my dad’s experience of family gatherings was way different because of his smoke breaks and that’s when I considered taking up fake smoking.

I saw it by accident on Instagram of all places and I dry heaved. Of all the horrible possible usages of the word harvest — it is so, so awful.

Ok but is it bean-based? Like adzuki beans, maybe?

It’s the hummus designation that is putting me all the way off.

I…I don’t want to know, do I?

I’d need one of those silver fire proximity suits with a face shield and a safety officer standing by. I’m already intimidated by making jam.

Yes! The first bite of dessert is the best and the rest is diminishing returns.

I have never wanted to try a pecan pie more.

100%. Same goes for utensils, cutting boards, anything else that touches said raw meat. I’m like Jason Bourne in a hotel room on the lam, keeping track of everything I touch so I can wipe it down.

I don’t recall the last time I saw a product for sale and was outright livid at the thought of it but Boars Head, you have tripped that wire.

Also, cream scones with fresh cranberries which I make every fall.

Thin sliced fresh cranberries in a chopped green salad with simple wine vinegar/oil.

OMG I don’t even want to think about the cleanup.