My favorite part of Severance is when they discover stuff
March 7, 2025 at 9:39 PM
My favorite part of Severance is when they discover stuff
*reads Isaac Newton biography*
*sits under apple tree looking up with mouth open*
*sits under apple tree looking up with mouth open*
March 2, 2025 at 11:08 PM
*reads Isaac Newton biography*
*sits under apple tree looking up with mouth open*
*sits under apple tree looking up with mouth open*
Everyone: wow I can’t believe the Trump/Zelensky convo
News Accounts: things are not looking good
Celebrities: don’t buy anything today!
Ben Stiller: oh come on Knicks
News Accounts: things are not looking good
Celebrities: don’t buy anything today!
Ben Stiller: oh come on Knicks
March 1, 2025 at 1:04 PM
Everyone: wow I can’t believe the Trump/Zelensky convo
News Accounts: things are not looking good
Celebrities: don’t buy anything today!
Ben Stiller: oh come on Knicks
News Accounts: things are not looking good
Celebrities: don’t buy anything today!
Ben Stiller: oh come on Knicks
Neil Degrasse Tyson watching Airbud: Absolutely not
February 28, 2025 at 2:00 PM
Neil Degrasse Tyson watching Airbud: Absolutely not
Muting each word in this post so I don’t have to see it again
February 27, 2025 at 6:20 PM
Muting each word in this post so I don’t have to see it again
*looking at bowel*
how are you irritable all I give you is little treats
how are you irritable all I give you is little treats
February 26, 2025 at 7:15 PM
*looking at bowel*
how are you irritable all I give you is little treats
how are you irritable all I give you is little treats
Guest: bro have you seen ants?
Joe Rogan: dude those freaks are strong as hell
Guest: I’ve been eating nothing but sugar and picnic meals and I feel incredible
Joe Rogan: dude those freaks are strong as hell
Guest: I’ve been eating nothing but sugar and picnic meals and I feel incredible
February 26, 2025 at 1:26 AM
Guest: bro have you seen ants?
Joe Rogan: dude those freaks are strong as hell
Guest: I’ve been eating nothing but sugar and picnic meals and I feel incredible
Joe Rogan: dude those freaks are strong as hell
Guest: I’ve been eating nothing but sugar and picnic meals and I feel incredible
Your outtie saves up his per diem so that he can buy shirts from Dan Flashes
February 25, 2025 at 2:08 AM
Your outtie saves up his per diem so that he can buy shirts from Dan Flashes
Hit that “Notify Anyway” like I’m dying every time
February 21, 2025 at 4:33 PM
Hit that “Notify Anyway” like I’m dying every time
HUGE congratulations to John Mellencamp on his unbreakable record for having the worst possible phrase in a song 43 years running with “suckin’ on a chili dog”
February 16, 2025 at 2:47 AM
HUGE congratulations to John Mellencamp on his unbreakable record for having the worst possible phrase in a song 43 years running with “suckin’ on a chili dog”
*trying to make sense of all of the news recently*
Me: so MSNBC-
Wife: is not NBC with multiple sclerosis
Me: I see
Me: so MSNBC-
Wife: is not NBC with multiple sclerosis
Me: I see
February 14, 2025 at 7:43 PM
*trying to make sense of all of the news recently*
Me: so MSNBC-
Wife: is not NBC with multiple sclerosis
Me: I see
Me: so MSNBC-
Wife: is not NBC with multiple sclerosis
Me: I see
Trying to get Trump to name my neighbor’s house the Gulf of Josh Who Won’t Give My Tools Back But Has Time To Message My Wife On NextDoor All Dang Day
February 14, 2025 at 12:48 PM
Trying to get Trump to name my neighbor’s house the Gulf of Josh Who Won’t Give My Tools Back But Has Time To Message My Wife On NextDoor All Dang Day
Filing a Straining Order to counteract my neighbor’s lawsuit. Smooth move Josh if this goes through you HAVE to remain within 100 yards of me.
February 13, 2025 at 10:45 PM
Filing a Straining Order to counteract my neighbor’s lawsuit. Smooth move Josh if this goes through you HAVE to remain within 100 yards of me.
“I really fumbled the bag” I say to myself as I scoop up the ashes of my grandpa’s cremated schnauzer back into the urn with a Reese’s wrapper
February 12, 2025 at 11:27 PM
“I really fumbled the bag” I say to myself as I scoop up the ashes of my grandpa’s cremated schnauzer back into the urn with a Reese’s wrapper
*leaving Inferno*
Virgil: I told you there’s a lot of weird stuff
Dante: boy howdy
Virgil: I told you there’s a lot of weird stuff
Dante: boy howdy
February 12, 2025 at 3:07 AM
*leaving Inferno*
Virgil: I told you there’s a lot of weird stuff
Dante: boy howdy
Virgil: I told you there’s a lot of weird stuff
Dante: boy howdy
Just got the severance procedure for when I go to Dave and Busters
February 8, 2025 at 6:19 PM
Just got the severance procedure for when I go to Dave and Busters
My wife and I are hiring a paleontologist to figure out why we’re bad with money
February 6, 2025 at 4:24 PM
My wife and I are hiring a paleontologist to figure out why we’re bad with money
Discoverer of the Little Dipper: wow I shall call this “The Dipper”
Discoverer of the Big Dipper: Bad news bud
Discoverer of the Big Dipper: Bad news bud
February 5, 2025 at 11:25 PM
Discoverer of the Little Dipper: wow I shall call this “The Dipper”
Discoverer of the Big Dipper: Bad news bud
Discoverer of the Big Dipper: Bad news bud
Me: *knocking on a peanut butter jar like a glass ketchup bottle for hours* Come on
Wife: *giving me one last tearful look as she steps out the door forever*
Wife: *giving me one last tearful look as she steps out the door forever*
February 5, 2025 at 8:28 PM
Me: *knocking on a peanut butter jar like a glass ketchup bottle for hours* Come on
Wife: *giving me one last tearful look as she steps out the door forever*
Wife: *giving me one last tearful look as she steps out the door forever*
*Me in the Garden of Eden*
Angel: He hasn’t eaten of the fruit
God: Fantastic
Angel: No I mean he hasn’t eaten any fruit or any vegetables for that matter. Hasn’t really had water either.
Angel: He hasn’t eaten of the fruit
God: Fantastic
Angel: No I mean he hasn’t eaten any fruit or any vegetables for that matter. Hasn’t really had water either.
February 5, 2025 at 2:39 PM
*Me in the Garden of Eden*
Angel: He hasn’t eaten of the fruit
God: Fantastic
Angel: No I mean he hasn’t eaten any fruit or any vegetables for that matter. Hasn’t really had water either.
Angel: He hasn’t eaten of the fruit
God: Fantastic
Angel: No I mean he hasn’t eaten any fruit or any vegetables for that matter. Hasn’t really had water either.
Early Bird: *gets worm*
Second Bird: Wow good thing there are like billions of worms
Second Bird: Wow good thing there are like billions of worms
February 5, 2025 at 2:40 AM
Early Bird: *gets worm*
Second Bird: Wow good thing there are like billions of worms
Second Bird: Wow good thing there are like billions of worms
Me: Can I at least shake the hand of the man about to murder me?
Murderer: Sure *goes to shake*
Me: *pulls hand away and slicks back hair*
Murderer: Sure *goes to shake*
Me: *pulls hand away and slicks back hair*
February 5, 2025 at 2:38 AM
Me: Can I at least shake the hand of the man about to murder me?
Murderer: Sure *goes to shake*
Me: *pulls hand away and slicks back hair*
Murderer: Sure *goes to shake*
Me: *pulls hand away and slicks back hair*
Wife: What are you eating?
Me: [eating a potato that I peeled like a banana] panana
Me: [eating a potato that I peeled like a banana] panana
February 5, 2025 at 1:14 AM
Wife: What are you eating?
Me: [eating a potato that I peeled like a banana] panana
Me: [eating a potato that I peeled like a banana] panana