"I'm either gonna be choking on that until I'm in the orchard in the sky or seeding the orchard walking funnier than Pinkie when she's drunk"

This is about the closest I have to him masturbating.... Then again it's always to Gilda whether he wants to or not

"cmon dash, you're going to wear them.... Or are we gonna have another cider spilling incident like at Fluttershys?"