This is a Serenity Prayer situation, I’ve accepted that I cannot demand a Diet Coke machine and am picking my battles.

I should use that! I’m too self aware to bring this up with anyone I work with so I was planning to just settle for being dramatic about it on the internet.

“Is there another vending machine,” you ask? Yes and it has THREE SLOTS FOR BLACKBERRY DR. PEPPER but no Diet Pepsi.

The autocaptioning referring to "human elves in this country" is sending me.

(This is a joke, please don’t extrajudicially kill me in the Caribbean.)