Salesman of the year

Republicans love America the same way I love The Smiths: I think their music is terrible and Morrissey's singing is annoying, but I think "How Soon is Now?" is a decent song.

Or this

I mean, the CIA did create the group who did 9/11 so I guess there's nothing new under the sun

A vet once told me "if it was an easy decision, you waited too long". I'm sorry, I know how hard it is. We have a cat who has a tumor on her jaw. Our vet told us to give her anything she wants, and as long as she's not suffering, we intend to (just stocked up on chruru).

He finally found something he could take a stand on

...deserves a wired night

Sure, the dog did it

If it helps, remember that you can learn it, but you can't unlearn it

OMG I really want to know what this is, but even more I really don't

Be a shame if we all padded our emails with a bunch of gibberish at the end

Literal shit storm coming their way

A lot of people are gonna be real disappointed when Dems refuse to do this in the name of "bipartisan" and "healing"

Wait harder!

We have electrons at home

The point of a political party is what it does

Break out the head calipers, the phrenologists are at it again!