#TGCF #xielian #天官赐福

i'm a sad little creature
of habit, through and
through; i am a shell of
a being that becomes
whole with the ones that
hold my hand throughout
these years of life and living
and living and living again.

how can i talk about
these golden feelings
without mentioning
those who hold this
fragile soul?

& when the weight of
guilt sinks shoulders
deep like boulders upon
my back, is it not the aid
of those i've formed
inseparable bonds with
that ease the weight on
my spine?

when one does well, do they
not wish to share in the
festivities with those they
cherish? revel alongside
those that mean most?

an honest prince(ss)
recognises the care and
attentiveness of the ones
who laid out the necklaces,
crowns, brooches, rings,
earrings ー all that glitters
is not gold, but golden
feelings encompass the
love of those who tend to
your body & heart, too.

'golden' is how i feel
thinking of my loved ones.

who collected seashells
beside me? who wove
them into charms,
bestowed them upon
us with the oath of
meeting again? who held
the stars in their palms and
promised to keep us safe?

and did you not gather
flowers under the dim
glow of the moon? did
you not tuck blossoms
behind my ear, or place
them at my altar?

who was i cooking dinner
for with such a peaceful,
serene grin? the love in
every pound of the mallet
is not for myself alone, nor
would it have ever been
without you.

did your grin not dazzle
me more than if i had tilted
my head to the sky and
stared into the sun?

were they all not there, when
my nails bore themselves into
my weapon's hilts, time
& time again?

this sword was swung
for you. this spell was
cast to keep you safe.
this stave healed your
wounds.

but even when trying to
focus on the whole canvas,
my eyes focus themselves
on the details, the intricacies
of the people that stood
before me, beside me, and
whomst i left behind.

the dotted light from under
the tree ー did it not stretch
across your smiling cheeks?

what were the thoughts that
churned through your mind
as you folded your hands
together to pray, meditate,
ponder?

what were your misgivings?
what were your sins?
how did they make you feel?

explain your successes.
your hopes, your dreams,
your ideals and morals
and desires. tell me, heart.

the warmth that emanates
through your whole body
after downing a potion, or
the vitality that courses
through your veins after
an ether ー how you feel
the sparks of life gather
in your hands, and how if
you focus enough you can
see them flicker to life
on your fingertips, ready
to be cast.

tell me of the way the
sunlight dapples through
the leaves of the palm
trees, casting fragmented
shadows on the sand.

remember the way the
salt of the seas tickle
your nose, or the slippery
smoothness of the seashells.

did you polish the jewels
on your crown, prince(ss)?
how did they shine?

there is beauty, too, in
recalling the dancing
leaves on the spring-
grown trees.... the feeling
of petals on my fingertips...
the feeling of the hammer in
my hands as i carefully
tenderise the meat for
supper... the grip of a
sword or staff or stave's
hilt in my hands (were they
soft, calloused?)..