Rougher seas. Bigger boat though.
@rougherseas.bsky.social
Working my way through a lifetime of CPTSD and trying to get to the other side.
Compassionate toward the vulnerable, skeptical of the powerful, clever and trickster-aligned, freedom-loving, resourceful, humorous, and allergic to rigid authority.
Compassionate toward the vulnerable, skeptical of the powerful, clever and trickster-aligned, freedom-loving, resourceful, humorous, and allergic to rigid authority.
I think I'm getting better at self validation. As with all of this recovery it is up and down, but I'm more aware of myself and my values. At the same time I feel like a child. Lot of stuff going on in this head.
January 22, 2026 at 7:23 PM
I think I'm getting better at self validation. As with all of this recovery it is up and down, but I'm more aware of myself and my values. At the same time I feel like a child. Lot of stuff going on in this head.
I did my flashback management steps. It's an hour later and I feel somewhat better.
January 13, 2026 at 10:16 PM
I did my flashback management steps. It's an hour later and I feel somewhat better.
When I'm in public, oobleck reaction. I'm tense, keyed up, in a completely different and not-confident state. Remove the 'force' i.e. being around people and I go back to softer liquid state.
January 13, 2026 at 1:13 PM
When I'm in public, oobleck reaction. I'm tense, keyed up, in a completely different and not-confident state. Remove the 'force' i.e. being around people and I go back to softer liquid state.
This oobleck analogy works for another area as well, self-confidence. When I'm alone I feel confident in myself (mostly) and able to keep my nervous system low.
January 13, 2026 at 1:13 PM
This oobleck analogy works for another area as well, self-confidence. When I'm alone I feel confident in myself (mostly) and able to keep my nervous system low.
2) Try to express it as 'When you are ready to, this is something to move towards. Oh and here's what 'ready' might look like or feel like'.
January 13, 2026 at 1:13 PM
2) Try to express it as 'When you are ready to, this is something to move towards. Oh and here's what 'ready' might look like or feel like'.
1) validate where I'm at, and not just a quick statement. My internal self validation is broken and it can point me at things but I lack the ability to validate my own reactions very well. Trying to move immediately to the fix just makes me feel even more like I'm in the wrong reacting as I am.
January 13, 2026 at 1:13 PM
1) validate where I'm at, and not just a quick statement. My internal self validation is broken and it can point me at things but I lack the ability to validate my own reactions very well. Trying to move immediately to the fix just makes me feel even more like I'm in the wrong reacting as I am.
That's how it comes across to me emotionally. What I've found that I need is this:
Instead of 'Do this' as an open-ended statement, two things:
Instead of 'Do this' as an open-ended statement, two things:
January 13, 2026 at 1:13 PM
That's how it comes across to me emotionally. What I've found that I need is this:
Instead of 'Do this' as an open-ended statement, two things:
Instead of 'Do this' as an open-ended statement, two things:
WHY does it trigger? Oh kinda figured that out too... it's a combination of not feeling like my issue/reaction/emotional state was dismissed immediately and therefore I'm 'wrong' to be in that state, and should be 'doing x' to fix it NOW.
January 13, 2026 at 1:13 PM
WHY does it trigger? Oh kinda figured that out too... it's a combination of not feeling like my issue/reaction/emotional state was dismissed immediately and therefore I'm 'wrong' to be in that state, and should be 'doing x' to fix it NOW.
As soon as the 'force' i.e. abrupt-to-me-transistion from my problem to 'the' solution, is removed, that emotional state softens pretty much immediately.
This showed up recently with my therapist, where I realised that going immediately to 'Do this' really triggers that reaction.
This showed up recently with my therapist, where I realised that going immediately to 'Do this' really triggers that reaction.
January 13, 2026 at 1:13 PM
As soon as the 'force' i.e. abrupt-to-me-transistion from my problem to 'the' solution, is removed, that emotional state softens pretty much immediately.
This showed up recently with my therapist, where I realised that going immediately to 'Do this' really triggers that reaction.
This showed up recently with my therapist, where I realised that going immediately to 'Do this' really triggers that reaction.
It happens too quickly to understand at first. I'll relate a problem or issue or emotional reaction, and the advice automatically comes back to 'Do X/Y/Z' and
that emotional core GOES SOLID AND RESISTING automatically.
that emotional core GOES SOLID AND RESISTING automatically.
January 13, 2026 at 1:13 PM
It happens too quickly to understand at first. I'll relate a problem or issue or emotional reaction, and the advice automatically comes back to 'Do X/Y/Z' and
that emotional core GOES SOLID AND RESISTING automatically.
that emotional core GOES SOLID AND RESISTING automatically.
Why this bit of trivia? Because I realised recently: That's how my emotional state? internals? core? reacts to sudden announcements like 'Just do this or think like this': it becomes a
solid, unyielding block that those statements bounce off of HARD and rebound into the speaker.
solid, unyielding block that those statements bounce off of HARD and rebound into the speaker.
January 13, 2026 at 1:13 PM
Why this bit of trivia? Because I realised recently: That's how my emotional state? internals? core? reacts to sudden announcements like 'Just do this or think like this': it becomes a
solid, unyielding block that those statements bounce off of HARD and rebound into the speaker.
solid, unyielding block that those statements bounce off of HARD and rebound into the speaker.
So you can fill a swimming pool with the stuff and it will remain liquid.. but you can run across it. Each step produces force that solidifies a column of oobleck and gives a solid surface to walk on.
January 13, 2026 at 1:13 PM
So you can fill a swimming pool with the stuff and it will remain liquid.. but you can run across it. Each step produces force that solidifies a column of oobleck and gives a solid surface to walk on.
Oobleck is a non-newtonian fluid made from cornstarch and water. Famous for reacting to sudden force by becoming a solid, and flowing back to liquid when the force is removed.
January 13, 2026 at 1:13 PM
Oobleck is a non-newtonian fluid made from cornstarch and water. Famous for reacting to sudden force by becoming a solid, and flowing back to liquid when the force is removed.