Manifesting a winning lottery ticket so I can stop worrying about basic food and utilities teehee! Goodnight me!

I'm writing this monologue at 4 in the morning so I can try and expel these thoughts and feel comfortable in bed. It's been getting worse again but it's still so much better than it used to be. I'll force myself to rest, and wake up tomorrow and get straight to it. I literally can't afford not to

But I can't go back to that schedule. But I can't sleep anyways because I'm too stressed out. It's like gnawing myself to the bone is the only way I can ever 'rest' comfortably but I'll never get anywhere if I never let myself work at 100%. This cognitive dissonance is slowly killing me

Ironically trying way too hard to do as much as possible led to me being consistently less productive than ever. But there's so much pressure on me right now it's getting harder not to fall in the same pits. Can barely sleep knowing I have the energy to stay up a few more hours; maybe even all night

i would actually love to play more jhin, aphelios, samira but its fucking impossible to play with random supports. its genuinely impossible. what fucking elo do i need to be in to escape this

why do i play top? because at least in top im mainly just responsible for myself and my lane. midlane gets 24/7 jg ganks, botlane has to queue with randoms if ur not grouped and always play against duo, playing jungle is hell. top is the only lane that makes sense for solo queue

schizoposting for fun but What If

"Aren't we already best friends?"

FUUUUUUCK