Do you WANT a world war? Because THAT'S how you get world wars.

I've never been able to see those "Magic Eye" hidden images. The doctor says it's because I have "abnormal gaze". Long story short now he can't see and my knuckles hurt.

Dear villains,
What is so damn funny? Y'all over here laughing your asses off and I got no clue why.
Sincerely,
Wallie

My computer is so old even the viruses are asking me to update my operating system.

Are we fucked yet? Because it seriously looks like we're all completely and totally fucked.

A piece of dried up dog shit could run the country better than the morally bankrupt and entirely evil Trump administration. Also Elon Musk is a total moron; the idiot has no idea what he's doing and should be put on a leash like the doge he is. See what I did there?

I quit smoking in 2010 and I still get cigarette cravings 15 years later. When you let those damn things get you hooked you're essentially hooked for life mentally.

This country is dying. I can hear it crying out in pain.

There's no wrong way to hit a Nazi.

Why does my piss smell like fish today? Asking for a friend...

My wife gave me something called a "Human Food Bar" to try this morning and I've been blasting ass ever since. Oh, it's no problem, I love farting. I just wasn't expecting to fart quite this forcefully or loudly. I made a baby cry in Walmart.

So this is Blue Sky, huh? Neat.