but at the end of the day it's terrible of me to think of it this way bc i have so much more to be thankful for. and it's not like i can't go back to school once i'm more stable.

yeah but like can i just feel these feelings while they're here. can i feel sad and embarassed and insecure about it

like how bitter it is to realize that the world doesn’t wait for anyone. it just suddenly asks you to make the coffee your former classmates ordered as they talk about their grad school

so beautifully written

girl we are not going back to the urban

> bro is about to have a month long barista training next next week

i resigned

this one requires constant reassurance though (barks at me when i’m not in bed because what‘s more important in this world than cuddling and sleeping with him right)

does he know that i love him

> my life falling apart
> realizes that i can pretty much do anything with it
> because like. it’s my life
> ended up applying as a cafe assistant someplace near home, hoping the aesthetic ambience would fix that

GOD SAID YESTERDAY WASNT ENOUGH I NEEDED TO CRY AGAIN

it had no business hurting me at 4am

i love kids so much (tho i will never ever have a child myself) and i hope all the best things for them, especially those similar to little girly.

i can only hope our mamas became friends in the afterlife and are both watching over that young soul.

the way a child navigates grief is so strange, so sad, but nonetheless fascinating. i was hoping she wouldn’t cry like that again this year. thankfully, she was all happy when i saw her again this year and didn’t need a stranger’s lap anymore <3

granma feels as if this tiny girl decided everyone who knew her mommy had conspired in letting her leave. & she’s angry & blaming them for doing so.

poor lady said they can do nothing but explain the situation to whichever stranger lil girly decides to cling to and apologize for the inconvenience.

“what if i cling to the nearest stranger” and it me. she‘d scream whenever her relatives tried to separate us, & girly hugged me like i birthed her myself.

her granma told me she’s been like that since her mom died—she refuses her relatives‘ cradle during breakdowns and runs to a stranger instead.