It was clear that too many sexual offenders on one cabinet leaves too little prey for us. We’ve decided to release Gaetz to abuse on his own.

I’ve been in contact with Congressperson Mace. I posited an idea that I think furthers their agenda.

Independent genitalia verification services for bathroom entry. Prove you’re cockless.

I’d like to take this time to address some concerns.

Yes, we believe everyone needs a worm friend.

A healthy diet includes the right amount of danger, probably cocaine and a steady diet of sexual assault. We want that for every American.

RFK and I have used our backyard crows to develop Crowtein

I will be mandating a purely raw milk diet. Papa hungry.

I’ve been in contact with The Wizard of Dr. Oz. He, along with myself and RFK Jr’s extra crispy donor body as my vessel have decided to only allow Ozempic on Medicaid for those Trump level fat and over. Our next initiative is geared for those experiencing poopy pants.

Reminder to “Stop Using Dirty Catheters” from your friendly late night wormfomercial.