✊

great to know you need to buy all of her maps for 100% Love that

no not really. it feels off when strangers or people i dont know well enough (online specific) call me by my name

think thats all im gonna say for the month. probably unless i feel like talking about something else

with compositions and backgrounds. the latter of which i dont do at all lmfao it would be fine had the patience to learn keybinds for the proper tools in csp but whatever. and with compositions i feel like ive gotten better with it? idk ive gotten that specific compliment before but i cant tell

struck a healthy balance with that in one of my more recent pieces so i guess im learning something. other than rendering i do want to try my hand at making a comic strip (which is a daunting task if you know anything about how much work goes into making a layout thats readable) and getting better

also a part of this is definitely the fact i kind of hate using thin lineart. i always struggled with making it look good lol. good that i discovered that i guess? but i also dont like using thick lineart at the same time. it gets a bit tricky to render a piece if i want to do that but i think i

its a mix of taking too long to get anywhere & (if i do get anywhere) the end product doesn’t look nearly as good as the image in my head. i could definitely absolve my hatred or whatever by just practicing and being patient but its unfortunately been a cycle i cant get out of

anyway watch this 2010 anime i like it makes me feel something

this trails into other aspects of my life i would rather not share but ive said what i wanted to. im just so thankful i have the privilege to live like the worthless passionless and jobless fucking bum that ive lived like for at least 2 years at this point. yay me

it doesnt stop at feeling disappointed with myself, i do enough of that already and ive had that thought for years. im expected to do this as my job as i honestly have fuck all going for me and i feel like such a fucking fraud and any peace i find in my life is shattered by those expectations

i want to try things like rendering, painting, literally any shading technique but i hate doing all of it. but again i really want to. maybe im not putting enough effort into trying but it is genuinely the worst feeling working on a piece that i don't want to touch within a 20 mile radius

thank you very much! im hoping i do too ❤️

??? whatever