Santa Claus
@retailsanta.bsky.social
Just a retail Santa making rent while watching the world collapse through the eyes of the children.
After weeks of watching people photograph the passing of their generational trauma in the name of tradition, the chair is now empty.
December 25, 2024 at 3:19 AM
After weeks of watching people photograph the passing of their generational trauma in the name of tradition, the chair is now empty.
To the mother who snidely said "oh consent" when I asked her daughter for permission to pick her up, I'm sorry your life wasn't your own, but stop being a cunt.
December 20, 2024 at 12:54 AM
To the mother who snidely said "oh consent" when I asked her daughter for permission to pick her up, I'm sorry your life wasn't your own, but stop being a cunt.
Stop assuming Santa knows or gives a shit about your athletic groups.
December 18, 2024 at 7:33 PM
Stop assuming Santa knows or gives a shit about your athletic groups.
Tonight a young girl told me she came all the way from the Ukraine to see me and she’d been very good; could I stop the war. This is the other side of being a Santa
December 16, 2024 at 3:55 AM
Tonight a young girl told me she came all the way from the Ukraine to see me and she’d been very good; could I stop the war. This is the other side of being a Santa
If you see a blonde in a cream sweater dress there’s an 80% chance they’re a cunt.
December 14, 2024 at 4:41 PM
If you see a blonde in a cream sweater dress there’s an 80% chance they’re a cunt.
For 1st Christmases I always whisper “Your parents knowingly brought you into a horribly broken world on the brink of collapse to be used a prop to feed their own egos. I’m sorry, Merry Christmas”
December 13, 2024 at 1:45 AM
For 1st Christmases I always whisper “Your parents knowingly brought you into a horribly broken world on the brink of collapse to be used a prop to feed their own egos. I’m sorry, Merry Christmas”
If you have a newborn, don’t toss it into the arms of a stranger wearing a massive plush coat without warning. I can’t feel anything. (Literally and metaphorically)
December 12, 2024 at 2:25 PM
If you have a newborn, don’t toss it into the arms of a stranger wearing a massive plush coat without warning. I can’t feel anything. (Literally and metaphorically)
Watching an elf try out his tight five, which is neither, for a family that does not speak English.
December 10, 2024 at 2:26 AM
Watching an elf try out his tight five, which is neither, for a family that does not speak English.
Nothing makes Santa happier than a child asking for a toy specifically from another store. Kudos Target, not sure what manipulative ads you have out there, but the kids have fallen for it.
December 8, 2024 at 4:50 AM
Nothing makes Santa happier than a child asking for a toy specifically from another store. Kudos Target, not sure what manipulative ads you have out there, but the kids have fallen for it.
A mother hissed into her child’s face “Get your finger out of your nose or Santa won’t bring you Bluey.” Your mother may love you, but she has some vindictive imaginary friends.
December 7, 2024 at 2:58 AM
A mother hissed into her child’s face “Get your finger out of your nose or Santa won’t bring you Bluey.” Your mother may love you, but she has some vindictive imaginary friends.
Dead Beat Dad Friday! I had my first dead beat dad of the season ask for a red rider BB gun, and oh how he laughed at his tired, predictable joke.
December 6, 2024 at 7:15 PM
Dead Beat Dad Friday! I had my first dead beat dad of the season ask for a red rider BB gun, and oh how he laughed at his tired, predictable joke.
Let’s go sell some lies to children for profit!
December 6, 2024 at 3:18 PM
Let’s go sell some lies to children for profit!
Love watching parents photograph their children’s trauma. Yes Mama, it is funny when they’re terrified of strangers and forced interactions. Oh how we laughed.
December 5, 2024 at 7:29 PM
Love watching parents photograph their children’s trauma. Yes Mama, it is funny when they’re terrified of strangers and forced interactions. Oh how we laughed.
Hey Grammy, sorry no one ever taught you consent or body autonomy, but stop trying to force your grandkids to sit on my lap. Maybe this is why your kids don’t visit.
December 3, 2024 at 4:30 PM
Hey Grammy, sorry no one ever taught you consent or body autonomy, but stop trying to force your grandkids to sit on my lap. Maybe this is why your kids don’t visit.
Wash your damn children before taking them out in public.
December 3, 2024 at 1:29 AM
Wash your damn children before taking them out in public.