How would you get a small cylinder (5.1 in length, ~4.5in girth) unstuck from a mini M&Ms tube filled with butter and microwaved mashed banana?

I keep having to capitalism when I just want to bog witch

They need to make plane tickets free of charge for trans people who want to rail mutuals 😭🛬

Can someone please just treat me like Alexa with a dick attached please. I really don't need to be coddled ride me hard and put me away wet.

If I was pressed to describe myself in gendered terms I think the closest I could get is I am a FtM tomboy femboy trapped in a man's body.

But saying "Nah gender isn't really a thing I believe in" is just so much easier .

the shit I care least in the whole world about is whether the story about the Earl of Sandwich is true. yes it fucking was. my man was playing cards and eating meat with his hands and then he said hold up check this out. you won't believe this shit. bring me some fucking bread & hold onto your hats

Santa baby, slip the confidence of a mediocre man under the tree, for me.

When someone says "Oh shit" when the orgasm you expect to start subsiding actually intensifies. Is the hottest shit in the world. I don't care if it comes out of my mouth or yours.

I cannot be convinced that adding a bay leaf does anything physically/chemically to soup. You just have to do it in order to not anger the soup gods

The line between pleasure Dom and brat is which one is gonna make me nut first.

I just had to explain to my partner that there is a daily login bonus for the lovense app after exclaiming "I gotta get my pervert points!"

Was woken up by dommy riding my dick deep into overstim territory. Now I am trapped at work.

There is a certain type of men that doesn't know he is autistic that I just don't have time to waste on.

It seems like the first post should be asking for someone to tie me up and use me like a sex toy.