i'm gonna make beef fizz and die and it'll get so many views
i want my body donated to science so they can answer the question "what the hell was wrong with this person"

i never forget how long it takes to mull cider, i just always overestimate my patience

hobbies include posting facebook statuses to see if anyone notices they're haikus

finally cold enough to bust out this bad boy

Tunic do be like that :3 #Tunic

the trivia question at physical therapy was about the collective nouns for birds and I'm like. y'all don't know me. Fuck off Veronica, I know more about this than you do

forever struggling to be funny "haha" not funny "institutionalized for their own safety"

pardon me while i throw myself into a river

hello yes do you know what it's like to have a love/hate relationship with your own hands. like. i appreciate you bitch but i don't trust you with a goddamn thing

oh fuck was I supposed to be at work today
-me, who was in fact at work today

let's play a fun game called 'can i nap after eight shots of espresso'

first customer walked in, coworker muttered "so it begins" at the same time as I whispered "what fresh hell can this be". I guess you could say we both love retail

the second I earn myself an invite code i'm making a second account for my shitposts where i badly photoshop things that aren't oatmeal. they're dumb but i enjoy making them. what else can you ask for in this crumbling world.

the other day someone asked me "what's the word" as greeting but I panicked and said "lepidopterist"

I have nothing to contribute to the discourse. Hello void, it's me, ya boy.