HotPants
@rebeccastevens.bsky.social
Comedian. Therapist. Mother. HotPants. In no particular order.
Nothing convinces me to buy a dress more than functional pockets.
May 19, 2025 at 4:24 PM
Nothing convinces me to buy a dress more than functional pockets.
Wet wipes? Fruit gummies? Water bottles? Kids have it so good these days. I survived on half-sticks of Big Red that I found at the bottom of mom's purse, stuck to her checkbook, covered in perfume-flavored dirt.
May 15, 2025 at 3:18 PM
Wet wipes? Fruit gummies? Water bottles? Kids have it so good these days. I survived on half-sticks of Big Red that I found at the bottom of mom's purse, stuck to her checkbook, covered in perfume-flavored dirt.
For men who don’t allow women to join the club, they sure wear a lot of dresses. #Conclave2025
May 7, 2025 at 4:51 PM
For men who don’t allow women to join the club, they sure wear a lot of dresses. #Conclave2025
One of the most humbling experiences as a mother is realizing your toddlers know their lefts and rights better than you do.
March 21, 2025 at 3:06 PM
One of the most humbling experiences as a mother is realizing your toddlers know their lefts and rights better than you do.
I’m oddly attracted to Jack from Jack in the Box, and I’m unsure how to get my husband into role-playing. Then again, he does have a thing for The Hamburglar.
February 21, 2025 at 7:41 PM
I’m oddly attracted to Jack from Jack in the Box, and I’m unsure how to get my husband into role-playing. Then again, he does have a thing for The Hamburglar.
I watched the SNL 50th Anniversary and got teary-eyed. Growing up, I looked forward to this show every Saturday and wrote down the bits to use later with my classmates. However, it never went over well
That said, I’m pretty sure the Deep Thoughts sketches are why I am a therapist.
Take that, Freud.
That said, I’m pretty sure the Deep Thoughts sketches are why I am a therapist.
Take that, Freud.
February 20, 2025 at 4:11 AM
I watched the SNL 50th Anniversary and got teary-eyed. Growing up, I looked forward to this show every Saturday and wrote down the bits to use later with my classmates. However, it never went over well
That said, I’m pretty sure the Deep Thoughts sketches are why I am a therapist.
Take that, Freud.
That said, I’m pretty sure the Deep Thoughts sketches are why I am a therapist.
Take that, Freud.
Shout out to all those parents who are filling out last-minute Valentine's cards for their kids’ classmates and getting a hand cramp from writing “To: Pal” repeatedly.
February 13, 2025 at 11:45 PM
Shout out to all those parents who are filling out last-minute Valentine's cards for their kids’ classmates and getting a hand cramp from writing “To: Pal” repeatedly.
Eggs are so expensive, I can’t afford to ovulate this month.
February 12, 2025 at 7:39 PM
Eggs are so expensive, I can’t afford to ovulate this month.
Therapist Me: “Feel free to meet with other therapists; I will not be upset if you find a better fit with someone else.”
Potential Client: “Ok, thank you for being so professional.”
Therapist me: (To myself) Please don’t google me.
Potential Client: “Ok, thank you for being so professional.”
Therapist me: (To myself) Please don’t google me.
February 4, 2025 at 8:09 PM
Therapist Me: “Feel free to meet with other therapists; I will not be upset if you find a better fit with someone else.”
Potential Client: “Ok, thank you for being so professional.”
Therapist me: (To myself) Please don’t google me.
Potential Client: “Ok, thank you for being so professional.”
Therapist me: (To myself) Please don’t google me.
I finally unpacked my to-go fire bag, and I am not a good panic packer. I packed six summer dresses, 12 lipsticks, and my Hooters uniform.
Safe to say, I will not survive a zombie attack, but at least I will be the sexy zombie mumbling, “Ranch costs extra.”
Safe to say, I will not survive a zombie attack, but at least I will be the sexy zombie mumbling, “Ranch costs extra.”
January 28, 2025 at 7:42 PM
I finally unpacked my to-go fire bag, and I am not a good panic packer. I packed six summer dresses, 12 lipsticks, and my Hooters uniform.
Safe to say, I will not survive a zombie attack, but at least I will be the sexy zombie mumbling, “Ranch costs extra.”
Safe to say, I will not survive a zombie attack, but at least I will be the sexy zombie mumbling, “Ranch costs extra.”
It’s only been a week.
But it feels like 4 years.
Does that count?
But it feels like 4 years.
Does that count?
January 27, 2025 at 3:38 PM
It’s only been a week.
But it feels like 4 years.
Does that count?
But it feels like 4 years.
Does that count?
It’s incredibly challenging to be a therapist in California this month.
January 23, 2025 at 7:02 PM
It’s incredibly challenging to be a therapist in California this month.
Welp, it looks like it is time to start writing Handmaid’s Tale Part 2: Electric Boogaloo.
January 20, 2025 at 5:28 PM
Welp, it looks like it is time to start writing Handmaid’s Tale Part 2: Electric Boogaloo.
Norm: Do you want to watch a documentary?
Me: Sure.
Norm: How about The Greatest Night in Pop?
Me: Is there murder?
Norm: No.
Me: Then it’s not a documentary.
Me: Sure.
Norm: How about The Greatest Night in Pop?
Me: Is there murder?
Norm: No.
Me: Then it’s not a documentary.
December 17, 2024 at 2:50 AM
Norm: Do you want to watch a documentary?
Me: Sure.
Norm: How about The Greatest Night in Pop?
Me: Is there murder?
Norm: No.
Me: Then it’s not a documentary.
Me: Sure.
Norm: How about The Greatest Night in Pop?
Me: Is there murder?
Norm: No.
Me: Then it’s not a documentary.
According to my boys’ Car Advent Calendar, today is Christmas
December 9, 2024 at 4:21 PM
According to my boys’ Car Advent Calendar, today is Christmas
At a 3 year olds birthday party and I met the actor playing Blippi. I made the mistake of calling him Bluey. I have never seen such high pitched orange and blue rage.
December 7, 2024 at 7:58 PM
At a 3 year olds birthday party and I met the actor playing Blippi. I made the mistake of calling him Bluey. I have never seen such high pitched orange and blue rage.
We just watched My Old Ass. What a great film.
If I could go back in time and connect with 18-year-old me. I’d give her a high five and a slap on her ass.
I’m also looking forward to 70-year-old me connecting with me any day now.
If I could go back in time and connect with 18-year-old me. I’d give her a high five and a slap on her ass.
I’m also looking forward to 70-year-old me connecting with me any day now.
November 27, 2024 at 4:39 AM
We just watched My Old Ass. What a great film.
If I could go back in time and connect with 18-year-old me. I’d give her a high five and a slap on her ass.
I’m also looking forward to 70-year-old me connecting with me any day now.
If I could go back in time and connect with 18-year-old me. I’d give her a high five and a slap on her ass.
I’m also looking forward to 70-year-old me connecting with me any day now.
Black Friday is starting earlier and earlier.
This year it started in 2011.
And, everyone on my list is getting Cards Against Humanity. #blackfriday
This year it started in 2011.
And, everyone on my list is getting Cards Against Humanity. #blackfriday
November 26, 2024 at 4:02 PM
Black Friday is starting earlier and earlier.
This year it started in 2011.
And, everyone on my list is getting Cards Against Humanity. #blackfriday
This year it started in 2011.
And, everyone on my list is getting Cards Against Humanity. #blackfriday
My favorite holiday is Winter Coat Day.
The first day you put on your winter coat and find surprises in the pockets.
This year I got one glove, lipstick and a gummy bear that has seen some shit.
The first day you put on your winter coat and find surprises in the pockets.
This year I got one glove, lipstick and a gummy bear that has seen some shit.
November 23, 2024 at 11:39 PM
My favorite holiday is Winter Coat Day.
The first day you put on your winter coat and find surprises in the pockets.
This year I got one glove, lipstick and a gummy bear that has seen some shit.
The first day you put on your winter coat and find surprises in the pockets.
This year I got one glove, lipstick and a gummy bear that has seen some shit.
I need a supportive sports bra. One that will tell me how proud it is of me.
November 19, 2024 at 6:57 PM
I need a supportive sports bra. One that will tell me how proud it is of me.
Is this where the rebellion begins?
November 17, 2024 at 12:43 AM
Is this where the rebellion begins?
Come on sweetheart, give me a smile.
August 25, 2023 at 4:12 AM
Come on sweetheart, give me a smile.
215 pounds?
Yeah, in your bra.
Yeah, in your bra.
August 25, 2023 at 2:42 AM
215 pounds?
Yeah, in your bra.
Yeah, in your bra.
He looks like fun
August 25, 2023 at 12:42 AM
He looks like fun