Playing Ghost of Yotei cause I loved Tsushima. Get to a cut scene where I can clearly see the protagonists face. Get jumpscared by @erikaishii.bsky.social and say "wow this is a game changer". Nobody laughed. Spent the rest of the day drinking beer in a kiddie pool on the front lawn.

A coworker caught me picking my nose so I played it off like I was just scratching and followed it up by also scratching my ear but now I just got a huge ass booger in my ear and I can't hear shit because my other ear is filled with rice (long story).

I think the funniest thing in the world would probably be if someone existed who was named "Dave Fart".

In Mortal Kombat 1 if you quit a fight as Johnny Cage he just punches himself in the balls and dies and I hope there's a scene like that in the new movie.

I hear they're releasing a new video game.

People who know about cars, hopefully you can help. Why is there screaming in my trunk?

Remember that time the Nazis opened the god box and melted their faces off and people who didn't look didn't get their faces melted off? Shit was wild. Why doesn't that happen anymore?

Friends won't stop calling me "chili muncher". I don't know what that means? I just sucked on the chili tube like everyone else.

This invitation to play cornhole isn't what I thought it would be. There's way more buttfucking, for one.

Sneezy is probably the worst dwarf because he never covers his mouth.

Just informed my wife won't name our child Megamind and now I have to go to the hospital and convince her to do so. We can't name our kid Boss Baby, that's my lawyer's name.

Jesus may have followed me but I will never follow Him (I hear he does biblical sized farts).