@reallybenmenard.bsky.social
I'm sorry. Also I'm better than you. No, I'm kidding, I know I'm far worse.
No long term adult relationship has ever benefited from an argument that features the line "yeah well TECHNICALLY...!"
August 28, 2025 at 6:39 AM
No long term adult relationship has ever benefited from an argument that features the line "yeah well TECHNICALLY...!"
Thora Birch was reading her copy of the Old Testament when she accidentally ripped the pages. So, Thora tore a Torah.
August 16, 2025 at 1:02 AM
Thora Birch was reading her copy of the Old Testament when she accidentally ripped the pages. So, Thora tore a Torah.
Me arguing with my parents over jokes:
"UM, I've been paid LITERALLY tens of dollars to be funny, so I THINK I know a little more about comedy than you?"
"UM, I've been paid LITERALLY tens of dollars to be funny, so I THINK I know a little more about comedy than you?"
August 3, 2025 at 6:34 AM
Me arguing with my parents over jokes:
"UM, I've been paid LITERALLY tens of dollars to be funny, so I THINK I know a little more about comedy than you?"
"UM, I've been paid LITERALLY tens of dollars to be funny, so I THINK I know a little more about comedy than you?"
Never put off until tomorrow what you can just not do entirely.
August 1, 2025 at 7:05 AM
Never put off until tomorrow what you can just not do entirely.
Doubt.
From Calvin Klein?
From Calvin Klein?
April 20, 2025 at 12:58 AM
Doubt.
From Calvin Klein?
From Calvin Klein?
Indian wrestling is just two pairs of pants away from scissoring.
April 8, 2025 at 6:49 AM
Indian wrestling is just two pairs of pants away from scissoring.
Example #346 of my ongoing daily neurosis:
Just about everytime I leave my house to take a walk, I think "Should I bring my ID in case I get hit by a van?"
Just about everytime I leave my house to take a walk, I think "Should I bring my ID in case I get hit by a van?"
April 1, 2025 at 6:38 AM
Example #346 of my ongoing daily neurosis:
Just about everytime I leave my house to take a walk, I think "Should I bring my ID in case I get hit by a van?"
Just about everytime I leave my house to take a walk, I think "Should I bring my ID in case I get hit by a van?"
White chocolate is a tool of the devil.
March 25, 2025 at 5:27 AM
White chocolate is a tool of the devil.
Mr. Hands
March 18, 2025 at 3:37 AM
Mr. Hands
Sober Ben: I hope everyone takes care of themselves, and please purchase or order anything you can from a local business. We need community now more than ever.
Drunk Ben: Jimmy Pop is a criminally underrated lyricist!
Drunk Ben: Jimmy Pop is a criminally underrated lyricist!
March 15, 2025 at 6:58 AM
Sober Ben: I hope everyone takes care of themselves, and please purchase or order anything you can from a local business. We need community now more than ever.
Drunk Ben: Jimmy Pop is a criminally underrated lyricist!
Drunk Ben: Jimmy Pop is a criminally underrated lyricist!
To the lady that picked up her dog's poop in my yard, thank you.
Also, ha ha, you're carrying poop.
Also, ha ha, you're carrying poop.
March 1, 2025 at 9:20 AM
To the lady that picked up her dog's poop in my yard, thank you.
Also, ha ha, you're carrying poop.
Also, ha ha, you're carrying poop.
Do you think when they invented sliced bread, people were like "This is the best thing."
February 25, 2025 at 2:08 AM
Do you think when they invented sliced bread, people were like "This is the best thing."
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. And by milkshake I mean low self esteem, and by boys I mean shame, and by yard I mean my thoughts running over and over.
February 11, 2025 at 5:42 AM
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. And by milkshake I mean low self esteem, and by boys I mean shame, and by yard I mean my thoughts running over and over.
Snow in the northwest is the only time anyone is intimidated by three inches.
February 7, 2025 at 1:10 AM
Snow in the northwest is the only time anyone is intimidated by three inches.
I hate all blanket statements.
February 2, 2025 at 1:35 AM
I hate all blanket statements.
I don't have the periodic table of elements memorized, and I can't work the quadratic formula. But I can definitely map out an extensive tree of all the interconnected VH1 celeb-reality dating shows of the 2000s.
February 1, 2025 at 4:21 AM
I don't have the periodic table of elements memorized, and I can't work the quadratic formula. But I can definitely map out an extensive tree of all the interconnected VH1 celeb-reality dating shows of the 2000s.
I'm having the biggest deja vu Mandela Effect today, but I also ate a bunch of mushrooms, so what do I know.
EVERYTHING
EVERYTHING
January 30, 2025 at 5:39 PM
I'm having the biggest deja vu Mandela Effect today, but I also ate a bunch of mushrooms, so what do I know.
EVERYTHING
EVERYTHING
If an attractive date is arm candy, I'm elbow saltwater taffy.
January 25, 2025 at 9:03 AM
If an attractive date is arm candy, I'm elbow saltwater taffy.
Me, every post:
"LOVE ME! I FEEL SO EMPTY! I NEED VALIDATION!"
Via jokes.
"LOVE ME! I FEEL SO EMPTY! I NEED VALIDATION!"
Via jokes.
January 24, 2025 at 12:36 AM
Me, every post:
"LOVE ME! I FEEL SO EMPTY! I NEED VALIDATION!"
Via jokes.
"LOVE ME! I FEEL SO EMPTY! I NEED VALIDATION!"
Via jokes.
How many people across the country do you think have the Imperial March stuck in their heads today?
January 21, 2025 at 6:47 AM
How many people across the country do you think have the Imperial March stuck in their heads today?
Reposted
Hi, I’m God.
I had nothing to do with saving that guy’s life or making him president.
I had nothing to do with saving that guy’s life or making him president.
January 20, 2025 at 10:51 PM
Hi, I’m God.
I had nothing to do with saving that guy’s life or making him president.
I had nothing to do with saving that guy’s life or making him president.
I promised my mother I wouldn't tell the story onstage of the night of my grandfather's passing until my grandmother was gone, because it's kind of crazy and I guess awkard if you're one of those weirdos with dignity. WELL GUESS WHO'S A BRAND NEW CORPSE!!!
January 9, 2025 at 3:15 AM
I promised my mother I wouldn't tell the story onstage of the night of my grandfather's passing until my grandmother was gone, because it's kind of crazy and I guess awkard if you're one of those weirdos with dignity. WELL GUESS WHO'S A BRAND NEW CORPSE!!!
"How about Lassie, but it's a dolphin?"
--The guy who pitched Flipper.
--The guy who pitched Flipper.
December 30, 2024 at 3:07 AM
"How about Lassie, but it's a dolphin?"
--The guy who pitched Flipper.
--The guy who pitched Flipper.
Headset mics make me irrationally enraged. I think it's because they are largely used by douche bags.
December 27, 2024 at 5:47 AM
Headset mics make me irrationally enraged. I think it's because they are largely used by douche bags.
Remember: Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings. And every time a candy cane breaks, an elf gets beaten.
December 26, 2024 at 5:59 AM
Remember: Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings. And every time a candy cane breaks, an elf gets beaten.