11 Months since this update. We left that place and moved back home. Everything has changed a lot. I'd say for the best, but honestly i can't tell if I myself have changed at all.

I feel like i'm still hypocrite, deceptive, a thief and a lot of things i'd despise if i saw on someone else.

I suck..

Even with mom far away, i feel i've been wasting away time and money of my life on useless things. I feel free but incompetent and inprudent.

Even some self-destructive thougths made it's way back to me, making me feel worse for my decisions and wasting my life in front of a screen.

I'm a loser.

The thing is i don't wanna be here anymore. I hate this place, and i know my only way out is getting a job; but i'm 17 and only jobs available for me involve physical strength which i don't have.

I've been put under hard pressure for that and i just feel stagnated cause of this.

I've finally realized the cause of most of my problems, and now i understand the dilemma i've been living since i remember this started. + I can finally use this acc to vent about something after months of having it sitting in the bg.

It's a long thing, but i may be making the thread in a while.

I love mental breakdown music. It represents accurately hoy i feel most of the time.

I feel like absolute shit today, and I'm not sure why.

Perhaps cause it's the day off of my mother and i hate to be with her cuz she's hiper controlling over me and makes me uncomfortable with her presence since i feel she's waiting for me to make a mistake to yell and argue with me.

I called back the fact of watching a scene in a tv show where someone decided to fail an iq test on purpose cuz there was a contest and he was humiliating the last player since they were known as the highest iq person in the school or some shyte like that.

What about i cut my veins and bleed out to death..?

It'd be funny..

They'll find me when I'm dead..

I feel like I'm wasting my life.

I don't wanna talk to my. father to discuss about money. I wanna talk yo him to catch up and have a nice conversation.

My mother forcing me to talk to him so he sends the money he hasn't sent some months ago really annoys me, cuz i don't wanna depend on him anymore. I wanna have a good-

I'm fucking traumatized.

That feeling when your brain doesn't produce the shyt that makes you happy even when you're doing the thing that makes you happiest.

Sucks and i wanna kms

I rather die in my dignity and selfishness than bowing before you and your radical regimen.

I hate you, mother.

"You chose your religion, i didn't forced you to believe it. Nobody told you they'd kill you if you didn't believe"

You literally said no son of yours would live close to you non-christian and you would kick me out if i didn't follow your selfish god. Now i hate you both for that.

i lo'k hate when my mother and Ruy start fighting over literally anything; it becomes annoying to hear them start to scream and argue about everything.

They're just the worst combination cuz you got: Morally and Intellectually superior mf vs "I fight over everything to feel I'm always right" bitxh.

My mother made me hate religion. Every Sunday it's fucking "church day", but the way she teaches us religion just feels like a radical regimen, and I'm genuinely considering becoming satanic because of that.

Not even Neo-satanic like any kid who uses symbols in an edgy way. I'm saying REAL satanic.

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Welcome to my public private account.

This account is exclusively for me to share personal thoughts on various things, and vent about my life sometimes.
A lot of the things I say may be considered morally incorrect. Hence is tagged NSFW

I accept any kind of comments abt anything I say in here.