LightNews LightNews
rar891.bsky.social
@rar891.bsky.social
17 followers 26 following 93 posts
Posts Replies Media Videos
rar891.bsky.social
Supreme Court Rules That it no Longer Exists
www.borowitzreport.com/p/supreme-co...
Supreme Court Rules That it no Longer Exists
The conservative majority unwittingly downsized themselves, legal experts said.
www.borowitzreport.com
June 30, 2025 at 1:06 PM
rar891.bsky.social
Trump Sends Stephen Miller to L.A. to Act as Human Repellant
open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...
Trump Sends Stephen Miller to L.A. to Act as Human Repellant
“No one empties a room faster than Stephen,” Trump said.
open.substack.com
June 10, 2025 at 3:34 PM
rar891.bsky.social
Qataris Buy Trump’s Tesla for $400 Million
open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...
Qataris Buy Trump’s Tesla for $400 Million
“President Trump greatly enhanced the value of the car by sitting in it once," Karoline Leavitt said.
open.substack.com
June 9, 2025 at 1:23 PM
rar891.bsky.social
Trump Honors Those Who Helped Others Avoid Service at Tomb of the Unknown Podiatrist
open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...
Trump Honors Those Who Helped Others Avoid Service at Tomb of the Unknown Podiatrist
In an emotional tribute, Trump thanked the fallen foot specialists who bravely risked their medical licenses so that others facing military service could be free.
open.substack.com
May 26, 2025 at 11:23 AM
rar891.bsky.social
Trump Offers to Sell New Pope $60 Bible
open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...
Trump Offers to Sell New Pope $60 Bible
“It’s gonna cost a lot more after EU tariffs," he told the pontiff.
open.substack.com
May 8, 2025 at 10:38 PM
rar891.bsky.social
Trump Calls For Reopening Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory
open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...
Trump Calls For Reopening of Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory
“I saw a show about it on TV, and it never should have been allowed to close down,” he said.
open.substack.com
May 7, 2025 at 4:41 PM
rar891.bsky.social
Trump Says He Slapped Tariffs on Foreign Films Because Subtitles Encourage Reading
open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...
Trump Says He Slapped Tariffs on Foreign Films Because Subtitles Encourage Reading
“Parents think their kids are safely at the movies, not spending two hours reading,” he said.
open.substack.com
May 6, 2025 at 1:04 PM
rar891.bsky.social
Trump Says Eric is Biden’s Fault
open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...
Trump Says Eric is Biden’s Fault
Responding to a reporter’s question about Eric, Trump shot back, “That was Biden. That wasn’t Trump.”
open.substack.com
May 2, 2025 at 12:41 PM
rar891.bsky.social
Karoline Leavitt Warns That Migrants are Smuggling Math into US
open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...
Karoline Leavitt Warns That Migrants are Smuggling Math into the US
"They are hoping to get America’s children hooked on math,” she said.
open.substack.com
May 1, 2025 at 11:20 AM
rar891.bsky.social
Man Who Fell Asleep at Pope’s Funeral was Already Going to Hell, Says God
open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...
Man Who Fell Asleep at Pope’s Funeral was Already Going to Hell, Says God
Although snoozing during the pontiff’s funeral was “beyond rude,” the Almighty said that the man clinched his place in the netherworld “decades ago.”
open.substack.com
April 27, 2025 at 10:24 PM
rar891.bsky.social
Explore this gift article from The New York Times. You can read it for free without a subscription. www.nytimes.com/2025/04/26/u...
How Trump Plays Into Putin’s Hands, From Ukraine to Slashing U.S. Institutions (Gift Article)
Many of President Trump’s actions have been seen as benefiting Russia either directly or indirectly, so much so that Russian officials have celebrated some of his moves.
www.nytimes.com
April 26, 2025 at 3:59 PM
rar891.bsky.social
Hegseth Accidentally Texts Houthis Detailed List of His Cosmetics
open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...
Hegseth Accidentally Texts Houthis Detailed List of His Cosmetics
The Defense Secretary suffers yet another embarrassment.
open.substack.com
April 25, 2025 at 12:43 PM
rar891.bsky.social
Trump Urges Vatican to Select New Pope from Cast of "Fox & Friends"
open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...
Trump Urges Vatican to Select New Pope from Cast of "Fox & Friends"
“You want to have a pope who’s good on TV,” Trump said.
open.substack.com
April 21, 2025 at 2:00 PM
rar891.bsky.social
Harvard to Award Trump Honorary Doctorate for Making its Approval Rating Soar
open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...
Harvard to Award Trump Honorary Doctorate for Making its Approval Rating Soar
The University, deeply despised by Americans since its founding in 1636, released a statement thanking Trump for his “game-changing service to Harvard.”
open.substack.com
April 17, 2025 at 1:56 PM
rar891.bsky.social
Poll: Majority of Americans Favor Swapping Trump for Abrego Garcia
open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...
Poll: Majority of Americans Favor Swapping Trump for Abrego Garcia
Poll respondents agreed that a maximum security prison in El Salvador is an appropriate place to house a felon convicted on 34 counts.
open.substack.com
April 16, 2025 at 11:24 AM
rar891.bsky.social
Man Who Invested in Trump Shocked to be Losing Fortune
open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...
Man Who Invested in Trump Shocked to be Losing Fortune
"If Donald Trump can't make money, who can?"
open.substack.com
April 14, 2025 at 1:24 PM
rar891.bsky.social
Trump Claims Tariffs Were Eric’s Dumb Idea
open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...
Trump Claims Tariffs Were Eric’s Dumb Idea
"He was begging me like a dog, so I said yes.”
open.substack.com
April 11, 2025 at 12:29 PM
rar891.bsky.social
Bondi Fires DOJ Employee After Finding Copy of Constitution on his Desk
open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...
Bondi Fires DOJ Employee After Finding Copy of Constitution on his Desk
The fired staffer used “telltale phrases like ‘due process’” in DOJ memos.
open.substack.com
April 9, 2025 at 1:29 PM
rar891.bsky.social
Trump Family’s Cash Registers Ring as Financial Meltdown Plays Out www.nytimes.com/2025/04/05/u...
Trump Family’s Cash Registers Ring as Financial Meltdown Plays Out
The party was on at a Saudi-backed LIV Golf tournament at the president’s Doral resort in Florida and a fund-raiser at Mar-a-Lago, even as markets tumbled.
www.nytimes.com
April 6, 2025 at 8:26 PM
rar891.bsky.social
Furious Elon Musk Demands Refund from Wisconsin
open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...
Furious Elon Musk Demands Refund from Wisconsin
“I want $20 million wired into my account by end of business Wednesday,” the furious South African declared.
open.substack.com
April 2, 2025 at 12:35 PM
rar891.bsky.social
Support Grows for Trump Serving Third Term in Prison
open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...
Support Grows for Trump Serving Third Term in Prison
Poll respondents favor exploring “all possible avenues” to enable Trump to serve such a term.
open.substack.com
March 31, 2025 at 1:15 AM
rar891.bsky.social
I just saw a TV commercial where Homeland Security Secretary Kristie Neom praises "Donald J. Trump" and herself for making us safe again. Kristi, you have no idea how safe you make me feel. No idea at all.
March 30, 2025 at 11:04 AM
rar891.bsky.social
WhiskeyLeaks: The Musical!
open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...
WhiskeyLeaks: The Musical!
These songs won’t be performed at the Kennedy Center any time soon.
open.substack.com
March 28, 2025 at 12:29 PM
rar891.bsky.social
Nation Shocked That Former Fox Host Might Be Liar
open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...
Nation Shocked That Former Fox Host Might Be Liar
The bombshell threatens to tarnish the image of the nation’s most trusted news organization.
open.substack.com
March 27, 2025 at 11:24 PM
rar891.bsky.social
Greenland Rejects Trump’s Offer to Trade JD Vance for Rare Earth Minerals
open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...
Greenland Rejects Trump’s Offer to Trade JD Vance for Rare Earth Minerals
The island responded with a strongly worded rebuke.
open.substack.com
March 27, 2025 at 12:46 PM