I'll take care of waste management, I'm told it can be lucrative!

My son wakes up at 7:30 on weekdays and 6:00 on weekends...

Was it a success?

Logging on with a hangover

You can't confirm that

I remember some government was suggesting doggy style as well

In his defence the UK electorate are insane, they genuinely prefer his "nothing can get better" policies to Corbyn's

I always say "but don't take my word as gospel, I'm no Jesus, I'm just some dickhead"

When I try that I just end up pissing like a racehorse with a 120 heartbeat

The suspense is killing me

Have a good 6 orgasms xoxo

I think you can still download auslogic disk defrag if you're unfortunate enough to still have an HDD!

I wake up in the morning and look incredible - lean and powerful. By the evening, I'm a bloated alcoholic mess.

The literal bowel movement is my coping mechanism

I had to give a surprise presentation this morning, which meant I didn't have time for my anxiety shit in advance. I pretended I had internet trouble, turned off my camera and did my presentation from the toilet with the laptop balanced on the pram.