Randy Feltz
@randyfeltz.bsky.social
When you wake up to 17 🚩emails before 6am.
June 9, 2025 at 1:33 PM
When you wake up to 17 🚩emails before 6am.
Sunday isn’t a day. It’s a 24-hour anxiety trailer for Monday’s horror movie.
June 8, 2025 at 2:59 PM
Sunday isn’t a day. It’s a 24-hour anxiety trailer for Monday’s horror movie.
I don't cook. I seduce while standing near the stove
June 7, 2025 at 3:59 PM
I don't cook. I seduce while standing near the stove
her: you’re on a pip
me: yeah and you’re on drink number 3
me: yeah and you’re on drink number 3
June 6, 2025 at 4:36 PM
her: you’re on a pip
me: yeah and you’re on drink number 3
me: yeah and you’re on drink number 3
If they put you on a PIP, then you definitely gotta dip
June 6, 2025 at 8:56 AM
If they put you on a PIP, then you definitely gotta dip
When you find out the real KPI is keeping your boss emotionally regulated.
June 5, 2025 at 8:03 PM
When you find out the real KPI is keeping your boss emotionally regulated.
When you’re mentally prepared for the zoom meeting, but spiritually on do not disturb
June 5, 2025 at 2:53 PM
When you’re mentally prepared for the zoom meeting, but spiritually on do not disturb
The corporate calendar is a lie. Time is a suggestion.
June 4, 2025 at 4:49 PM
The corporate calendar is a lie. Time is a suggestion.
When you don’t have the bandwidth but she exceeds expectations by going after the low hanging fruit.
June 3, 2025 at 11:08 PM
When you don’t have the bandwidth but she exceeds expectations by going after the low hanging fruit.
Alarm went off and so did my will to participate.
June 3, 2025 at 9:55 AM
Alarm went off and so did my will to participate.
Me setting a general auto reply at 4:30pm to make people think I'm still working.
June 2, 2025 at 8:14 PM
Me setting a general auto reply at 4:30pm to make people think I'm still working.
Woke up before my alarm.
Now I’m just lying here pissed off at peace itself.
Now I’m just lying here pissed off at peace itself.
June 2, 2025 at 8:31 AM
Woke up before my alarm.
Now I’m just lying here pissed off at peace itself.
Now I’m just lying here pissed off at peace itself.
Manifesting peace. But also chaos. Depends on how Monday goes.
June 1, 2025 at 11:45 PM
Manifesting peace. But also chaos. Depends on how Monday goes.
Ordered the ‘Bottomless Mimosa’ but turns out they meant my emotional state.
June 1, 2025 at 3:43 PM
Ordered the ‘Bottomless Mimosa’ but turns out they meant my emotional state.
Burned through my savings. Burned through my trust. Might as well burn through a Saturday too.
May 31, 2025 at 11:01 PM
Burned through my savings. Burned through my trust. Might as well burn through a Saturday too.
This isn’t drinking. This is… recalibrating.
May 31, 2025 at 2:33 PM
This isn’t drinking. This is… recalibrating.
This is what freedom looks like. Cheap, cold, and lightly processed.
May 30, 2025 at 9:46 PM
This is what freedom looks like. Cheap, cold, and lightly processed.
Currently giving 10% effort and 100% acting like I care.
May 30, 2025 at 4:00 PM
Currently giving 10% effort and 100% acting like I care.
Is it Friday? Is it still May? Whatever. Let’s pretend we’ve got it together. No one has to know.”
May 30, 2025 at 8:33 AM
Is it Friday? Is it still May? Whatever. Let’s pretend we’ve got it together. No one has to know.”
Let’s make some mistakes tonight. Bring the lighter and a bag of emotional baggage.
May 29, 2025 at 11:28 PM
Let’s make some mistakes tonight. Bring the lighter and a bag of emotional baggage.
**Lunch meeting with myself.
He showed up late and drunk. So I forgave him.
He showed up late and drunk. So I forgave him.
May 29, 2025 at 9:40 AM
**Lunch meeting with myself.
He showed up late and drunk. So I forgave him.
He showed up late and drunk. So I forgave him.
Woke up feeling like a cocktail someone forgot to finish.
May 29, 2025 at 9:13 AM
Woke up feeling like a cocktail someone forgot to finish.
Halfway through the workday and I already feel like I’ve lived three lives, all of them unemployed.
May 28, 2025 at 1:17 PM
Halfway through the workday and I already feel like I’ve lived three lives, all of them unemployed.
Start your Wednesday like me: angry, confused, and caffeinated enough to make eye contact without crying.
May 28, 2025 at 10:23 AM
Start your Wednesday like me: angry, confused, and caffeinated enough to make eye contact without crying.
Woke up this morning, looked in the mirror, and said… ‘You again?’”
“The fridge is empty. My inbox has 76 unread messages. I just brushed my teeth with shaving cream.
Let’s bring this week home, folks. One hungover sigh at a time.”
“The fridge is empty. My inbox has 76 unread messages. I just brushed my teeth with shaving cream.
Let’s bring this week home, folks. One hungover sigh at a time.”
May 27, 2025 at 11:29 AM
Woke up this morning, looked in the mirror, and said… ‘You again?’”
“The fridge is empty. My inbox has 76 unread messages. I just brushed my teeth with shaving cream.
Let’s bring this week home, folks. One hungover sigh at a time.”
“The fridge is empty. My inbox has 76 unread messages. I just brushed my teeth with shaving cream.
Let’s bring this week home, folks. One hungover sigh at a time.”