It took time. Patience. And some genuine self-reflection and forgiving myself for the ways I sub-optimally handled a deluge of events beyond my control (which was hard). Also, these posts are like my only posts on Bluesky because I hate social media. All to encourage you! This funk, too, shall pass.

For me it started clearing up the minute I started helping my development team through the same problems. I think sometimes the loving advice you give friends or co-workers can seep into your subconscious just like exaggerated expectations. If you can't encourage yourself directly, indirect is fine!

I think creative professionals can fall into a trap of holding our lives to standards that we don't consciously choose. We let heroes and peers and imagined trajectories into our subconscious where they form expectations. But like any neurological backdoor, we can weaponize it for our mental health:

What baffled me was that I was in an objectively better place! Within 6 months we had a better house, better jobs, better cars, less stress. But my motivation stayed tanked. I think I was holding on to a lot of resentment over the lack of control I had over my life, whether I was aware of it or not.

When the pandemic first started up, our first family dog died, my wife was fired (wrongly), I quit angrily (same workplace), had to sell our house and move to a Seattle rental, while my mom was being arrested, jailed, tried, and imprisoned back home in Texas. The world rained shit for about a year.

Been there for sure. Not sure what your daily struggle looks like, but mine was me sitting down to start working and going numb until the day was over. Creatively, physically, emotionally... I felt like an idling car. Like I was stuck waiting for a break in the weather to resume being myself again.

“Unfinished One” indeed. Love this style, has the vibe of a cave painting warning the observer about something the artist couldn’t explain.