X Doom
@rain35x.bsky.social
I'm 29, nonbinary, autistic, have OSDD1b and other things, and live in Ireland.
☀️
So it's like I almost get it but not exactly.
I don't think we'll ever get exactly what we really want. We'll always remember not being cared about and I don't think that'll ever really cancel out.
So it's like I almost get it but not exactly.
I don't think we'll ever get exactly what we really want. We'll always remember not being cared about and I don't think that'll ever really cancel out.
November 19, 2025 at 9:37 PM
☀️
So it's like I almost get it but not exactly.
I don't think we'll ever get exactly what we really want. We'll always remember not being cared about and I don't think that'll ever really cancel out.
So it's like I almost get it but not exactly.
I don't think we'll ever get exactly what we really want. We'll always remember not being cared about and I don't think that'll ever really cancel out.
☀️
Anyway I guess what I was saying is I kinda understand how Rainbow really wants care and validation and stuff. So I would probably also want to not eat anything, if I thought it would really help. But I feel like we already know that nothing will ever make people like family or professionals care
Anyway I guess what I was saying is I kinda understand how Rainbow really wants care and validation and stuff. So I would probably also want to not eat anything, if I thought it would really help. But I feel like we already know that nothing will ever make people like family or professionals care
November 19, 2025 at 9:37 PM
☀️
Anyway I guess what I was saying is I kinda understand how Rainbow really wants care and validation and stuff. So I would probably also want to not eat anything, if I thought it would really help. But I feel like we already know that nothing will ever make people like family or professionals care
Anyway I guess what I was saying is I kinda understand how Rainbow really wants care and validation and stuff. So I would probably also want to not eat anything, if I thought it would really help. But I feel like we already know that nothing will ever make people like family or professionals care
☀️
Like they know what the rules are already.
For chemistry it's harder because we never did that, and also it's hard to know what the overlap is between the textbooks and khan academy vs the lectures. And it's hard to remember everything.
Like they know what the rules are already.
For chemistry it's harder because we never did that, and also it's hard to know what the overlap is between the textbooks and khan academy vs the lectures. And it's hard to remember everything.
November 19, 2025 at 9:31 PM
☀️
Like they know what the rules are already.
For chemistry it's harder because we never did that, and also it's hard to know what the overlap is between the textbooks and khan academy vs the lectures. And it's hard to remember everything.
Like they know what the rules are already.
For chemistry it's harder because we never did that, and also it's hard to know what the overlap is between the textbooks and khan academy vs the lectures. And it's hard to remember everything.
☀️
At least we have lots of maths to learn so that's cool! We missed some trigonometry and some calculus stuff. But Ethan and Alex know it already mostly so they can show us how to do everything.
At least we have lots of maths to learn so that's cool! We missed some trigonometry and some calculus stuff. But Ethan and Alex know it already mostly so they can show us how to do everything.
November 19, 2025 at 9:31 PM
☀️
At least we have lots of maths to learn so that's cool! We missed some trigonometry and some calculus stuff. But Ethan and Alex know it already mostly so they can show us how to do everything.
At least we have lots of maths to learn so that's cool! We missed some trigonometry and some calculus stuff. But Ethan and Alex know it already mostly so they can show us how to do everything.
☀️
At least she'll give us love and care, but it probably doesn't work for her because she's the one who has that role so there's nobody really to look after her. Would she be too sad if she knew that nobody irl will either? Or does she know already?
At least she'll give us love and care, but it probably doesn't work for her because she's the one who has that role so there's nobody really to look after her. Would she be too sad if she knew that nobody irl will either? Or does she know already?
November 19, 2025 at 9:27 PM
☀️
At least she'll give us love and care, but it probably doesn't work for her because she's the one who has that role so there's nobody really to look after her. Would she be too sad if she knew that nobody irl will either? Or does she know already?
At least she'll give us love and care, but it probably doesn't work for her because she's the one who has that role so there's nobody really to look after her. Would she be too sad if she knew that nobody irl will either? Or does she know already?
☀️
But I feel like we know better by now than to think there's anything we could ever do to get external people like adults to care about us. I'm confused why Rainbow is stuck on that, when she's older than me and has more life experience, and she's so smart and responsible usually
But I feel like we know better by now than to think there's anything we could ever do to get external people like adults to care about us. I'm confused why Rainbow is stuck on that, when she's older than me and has more life experience, and she's so smart and responsible usually
November 19, 2025 at 9:27 PM
☀️
But I feel like we know better by now than to think there's anything we could ever do to get external people like adults to care about us. I'm confused why Rainbow is stuck on that, when she's older than me and has more life experience, and she's so smart and responsible usually
But I feel like we know better by now than to think there's anything we could ever do to get external people like adults to care about us. I'm confused why Rainbow is stuck on that, when she's older than me and has more life experience, and she's so smart and responsible usually
💙 We should probably finish next order first. I know I finished it already, but I mean we should finish this playthrough rather than abandoning it right at the end like we usually do. We still never finished breath of the wild either 😓
Anyway I'll make you soup or something then, okay?
Anyway I'll make you soup or something then, okay?
November 15, 2025 at 6:17 PM
💙 We should probably finish next order first. I know I finished it already, but I mean we should finish this playthrough rather than abandoning it right at the end like we usually do. We still never finished breath of the wild either 😓
Anyway I'll make you soup or something then, okay?
Anyway I'll make you soup or something then, okay?
💙 We're not going out shopping while we're sick. And if anyone else wants to, sure. It's a bit of a grind at this part I think, but we could also play on the PS4 and look for achievements.
💔 skipping from almost endgame to postgame might be a bit jarring but idk. do you wanna play survive
💔 skipping from almost endgame to postgame might be a bit jarring but idk. do you wanna play survive
November 15, 2025 at 6:17 PM
💙 We're not going out shopping while we're sick. And if anyone else wants to, sure. It's a bit of a grind at this part I think, but we could also play on the PS4 and look for achievements.
💔 skipping from almost endgame to postgame might be a bit jarring but idk. do you wanna play survive
💔 skipping from almost endgame to postgame might be a bit jarring but idk. do you wanna play survive
💙 You can do that when we're better. Sorry. What would you like?
💔 Sky wanted to try the mushroom soup with the bread rolls, otherwise I really want weetabix even though we don't have any 😭 also the leftovers in the fridge plus some vegetable thing maybe. btw you wanna play Digimon tonight?
💔 Sky wanted to try the mushroom soup with the bread rolls, otherwise I really want weetabix even though we don't have any 😭 also the leftovers in the fridge plus some vegetable thing maybe. btw you wanna play Digimon tonight?
November 15, 2025 at 6:17 PM
💙 You can do that when we're better. Sorry. What would you like?
💔 Sky wanted to try the mushroom soup with the bread rolls, otherwise I really want weetabix even though we don't have any 😭 also the leftovers in the fridge plus some vegetable thing maybe. btw you wanna play Digimon tonight?
💔 Sky wanted to try the mushroom soup with the bread rolls, otherwise I really want weetabix even though we don't have any 😭 also the leftovers in the fridge plus some vegetable thing maybe. btw you wanna play Digimon tonight?
💔 no you don't need to fight me it's fine, I understand, I know we unfortunately need nutrients etc to get better. but also if I just go a bit longer then all the food weight will be gone and I'll be back to the same weight as before
November 15, 2025 at 6:17 PM
💔 no you don't need to fight me it's fine, I understand, I know we unfortunately need nutrients etc to get better. but also if I just go a bit longer then all the food weight will be gone and I'll be back to the same weight as before
💙 I'm worried about you. I also feel it could benefit us and also know what you're like and have no room to judge you, but it still feels weird or sad to see you like this. And Sky is worried since he's never seen you like this.
And yes we do need to eat today since we're sick, I will fight you
And yes we do need to eat today since we're sick, I will fight you
November 15, 2025 at 6:17 PM
💙 I'm worried about you. I also feel it could benefit us and also know what you're like and have no room to judge you, but it still feels weird or sad to see you like this. And Sky is worried since he's never seen you like this.
And yes we do need to eat today since we're sick, I will fight you
And yes we do need to eat today since we're sick, I will fight you
🔥 But that also means I don't exactly feel worried either because I know what you're like, and what I was like. I remember that being me, and it's hard to act like there's something wrong with you when I remember it making sense, y'know?
💔 thank you, I appreciate that. I think solidarity is better
💔 thank you, I appreciate that. I think solidarity is better
November 15, 2025 at 6:17 PM
🔥 But that also means I don't exactly feel worried either because I know what you're like, and what I was like. I remember that being me, and it's hard to act like there's something wrong with you when I remember it making sense, y'know?
💔 thank you, I appreciate that. I think solidarity is better
💔 thank you, I appreciate that. I think solidarity is better
💔 so are you worried then? or do you just think I make bad decisions?
🔥 How could I think you make bad decisions when I've made the exact same ones? When we both imagined running away and living off a handful of cereal a day? When I thought fasting 21 hours made me so powerful? I can't judge you
🔥 How could I think you make bad decisions when I've made the exact same ones? When we both imagined running away and living off a handful of cereal a day? When I thought fasting 21 hours made me so powerful? I can't judge you
November 15, 2025 at 6:17 PM
💔 so are you worried then? or do you just think I make bad decisions?
🔥 How could I think you make bad decisions when I've made the exact same ones? When we both imagined running away and living off a handful of cereal a day? When I thought fasting 21 hours made me so powerful? I can't judge you
🔥 How could I think you make bad decisions when I've made the exact same ones? When we both imagined running away and living off a handful of cereal a day? When I thought fasting 21 hours made me so powerful? I can't judge you
🔥 I mean it's obviously not good or helpful when you're going to trampoline training without eating and getting dizzy doing skills. Or going out and drinking alcohol on an empty stomach. Or now, when we're sick, that probably didn't help and isn't helping now
November 15, 2025 at 6:17 PM
🔥 I mean it's obviously not good or helpful when you're going to trampoline training without eating and getting dizzy doing skills. Or going out and drinking alcohol on an empty stomach. Or now, when we're sick, that probably didn't help and isn't helping now
💔 I think I'd be the same way. when do you think it would stop being useful, then?
🔥 I guess after we hit a normal bmi, or when we don't fit into any of our clothes anymore?
💔 we've always kept everything, we'll always have something that fits
🔥 I guess after we hit a normal bmi, or when we don't fit into any of our clothes anymore?
💔 we've always kept everything, we'll always have something that fits
November 15, 2025 at 6:17 PM
💔 I think I'd be the same way. when do you think it would stop being useful, then?
🔥 I guess after we hit a normal bmi, or when we don't fit into any of our clothes anymore?
💔 we've always kept everything, we'll always have something that fits
🔥 I guess after we hit a normal bmi, or when we don't fit into any of our clothes anymore?
💔 we've always kept everything, we'll always have something that fits
💔 Alex are you worried about me?
🔥 Do you want me to be? I mean generally yeah but I also said I'd be on your side since I Get It. And I guess it's not shocking or anything because you've always been like this
And I guess I feel like it could benefit us to some extent to let it happen. Is that okay?
🔥 Do you want me to be? I mean generally yeah but I also said I'd be on your side since I Get It. And I guess it's not shocking or anything because you've always been like this
And I guess I feel like it could benefit us to some extent to let it happen. Is that okay?
November 15, 2025 at 6:17 PM
💔 Alex are you worried about me?
🔥 Do you want me to be? I mean generally yeah but I also said I'd be on your side since I Get It. And I guess it's not shocking or anything because you've always been like this
And I guess I feel like it could benefit us to some extent to let it happen. Is that okay?
🔥 Do you want me to be? I mean generally yeah but I also said I'd be on your side since I Get It. And I guess it's not shocking or anything because you've always been like this
And I guess I feel like it could benefit us to some extent to let it happen. Is that okay?
🔥
Yeah she was trying to say like CBT stuff to me and I was immediately like 😠 How Dare You
Even though what *she* was saying was more reasonable than what *others* have said, but I just remember all that
Yeah she was trying to say like CBT stuff to me and I was immediately like 😠 How Dare You
Even though what *she* was saying was more reasonable than what *others* have said, but I just remember all that
November 15, 2025 at 5:52 PM
🔥
Yeah she was trying to say like CBT stuff to me and I was immediately like 😠 How Dare You
Even though what *she* was saying was more reasonable than what *others* have said, but I just remember all that
Yeah she was trying to say like CBT stuff to me and I was immediately like 😠 How Dare You
Even though what *she* was saying was more reasonable than what *others* have said, but I just remember all that
🔥 You've talked to her more than me, but it seems more like she considers it like valid if we do want a different appearance, but if we were happy with this appearance that would also be fine
💔 yeah true. it just touches on what other professionals have been like I guess
💔 yeah true. it just touches on what other professionals have been like I guess
November 15, 2025 at 5:52 PM
🔥 You've talked to her more than me, but it seems more like she considers it like valid if we do want a different appearance, but if we were happy with this appearance that would also be fine
💔 yeah true. it just touches on what other professionals have been like I guess
💔 yeah true. it just touches on what other professionals have been like I guess
💔
it does still make me feel like nobody cares though, and I imagine if you had said it, most people would just be like "well good, you need to lose weight anyway, keep it up"
🔥 That is what a lot of people do say, but I wouldn't imagine this therapist specifically reacting like that
it does still make me feel like nobody cares though, and I imagine if you had said it, most people would just be like "well good, you need to lose weight anyway, keep it up"
🔥 That is what a lot of people do say, but I wouldn't imagine this therapist specifically reacting like that
November 15, 2025 at 5:52 PM
💔
it does still make me feel like nobody cares though, and I imagine if you had said it, most people would just be like "well good, you need to lose weight anyway, keep it up"
🔥 That is what a lot of people do say, but I wouldn't imagine this therapist specifically reacting like that
it does still make me feel like nobody cares though, and I imagine if you had said it, most people would just be like "well good, you need to lose weight anyway, keep it up"
🔥 That is what a lot of people do say, but I wouldn't imagine this therapist specifically reacting like that
💔
oh okay
thank you, it would be super humiliating to have to admit to restricting "unhealthily" while still being so overweight, like even if I just lose like 30lbs or something, that would at least be enough to admit to it without it being totally pathetic and humiliating
oh okay
thank you, it would be super humiliating to have to admit to restricting "unhealthily" while still being so overweight, like even if I just lose like 30lbs or something, that would at least be enough to admit to it without it being totally pathetic and humiliating
November 15, 2025 at 5:52 PM
💔
oh okay
thank you, it would be super humiliating to have to admit to restricting "unhealthily" while still being so overweight, like even if I just lose like 30lbs or something, that would at least be enough to admit to it without it being totally pathetic and humiliating
oh okay
thank you, it would be super humiliating to have to admit to restricting "unhealthily" while still being so overweight, like even if I just lose like 30lbs or something, that would at least be enough to admit to it without it being totally pathetic and humiliating
🔥 (Alex)
I was focusing on the emotions and I don't think I specifically mentioned that you're actually restricting or not eating right now
I think I just said you had like the urge to but didn't clarify that you're actually acting on it
Y'know because you specifically didn't want me to? lol
I was focusing on the emotions and I don't think I specifically mentioned that you're actually restricting or not eating right now
I think I just said you had like the urge to but didn't clarify that you're actually acting on it
Y'know because you specifically didn't want me to? lol
November 15, 2025 at 5:52 PM
🔥 (Alex)
I was focusing on the emotions and I don't think I specifically mentioned that you're actually restricting or not eating right now
I think I just said you had like the urge to but didn't clarify that you're actually acting on it
Y'know because you specifically didn't want me to? lol
I was focusing on the emotions and I don't think I specifically mentioned that you're actually restricting or not eating right now
I think I just said you had like the urge to but didn't clarify that you're actually acting on it
Y'know because you specifically didn't want me to? lol
💔
so like I'd have to be at least normal bmi probably for anyone to *actually* care
which is fine, I can do that if I stay feeling like this and don't go back to not really caring
so like I'd have to be at least normal bmi probably for anyone to *actually* care
which is fine, I can do that if I stay feeling like this and don't go back to not really caring
November 15, 2025 at 5:44 PM
💔
so like I'd have to be at least normal bmi probably for anyone to *actually* care
which is fine, I can do that if I stay feeling like this and don't go back to not really caring
so like I'd have to be at least normal bmi probably for anyone to *actually* care
which is fine, I can do that if I stay feeling like this and don't go back to not really caring
💔
I guess maybe because our body irl is so different to how I see myself in our head, so I can't really reconcile them. so anything addressed just to *me* isn't gonna help because our body isn't me
and I guess I want it to look more like how I think of myself
I guess maybe because our body irl is so different to how I see myself in our head, so I can't really reconcile them. so anything addressed just to *me* isn't gonna help because our body isn't me
and I guess I want it to look more like how I think of myself
November 15, 2025 at 5:39 PM
💔
I guess maybe because our body irl is so different to how I see myself in our head, so I can't really reconcile them. so anything addressed just to *me* isn't gonna help because our body isn't me
and I guess I want it to look more like how I think of myself
I guess maybe because our body irl is so different to how I see myself in our head, so I can't really reconcile them. so anything addressed just to *me* isn't gonna help because our body isn't me
and I guess I want it to look more like how I think of myself