It feels like every interaction I make takes a multitude of attempts. The effort is immense 🔥
That's just you 💜🌼
I hate this. Bodies suck. 🔥

If I ramble into the void will the void answer back 💜
How long until I become a nuisance? Am I already there 💜

Sleep 🩷
But I need something. Validation? 💜

Should this be continued? 🔥
Why do I care so much about what other people think? 💚
Is this helping? 🩷🔥💜
It feels too early to know 💜

I need to sleep to be functional. But. So what. I don't function normally anyway. 💜

Take me out to the ball game 🌼
Shut up 💚
No in-fighting 🩷 💜
Taaaake meee onnnnn 🌼

Daisy.
Lu.
Izzy.
Rachael. Maybe?
Anna.

What do you call the pieces of yourself? How disjointed am I? I get concerned. I know it's good I'm in therapy. But this gets scary to talk about. Even there. Nowhere feels safe. 💜

There is safety. We found it. It's in the people you found along the way. 🔥

This is without suppression. 💜🔥
With control is what you know. What everyone has come to expect. 💜
How can I be me? 💜🩷🔥🌼💚
The whole. Every part. Not fighting. But at ease. Sharing. Holding. 💜
I'm always hiding 🌼
I only come out in dire straits 🔥
I can't control it 💚
Blended unknown 🩷
As you know 💜

💜🔥🌼💚 can anyone even understand me.
Trust. 🩷
The void is never empty. Or full. There is so much bouncing. 🔥
We are specks of paint smudged against the canvas into one another where there is no one. We are it. 🔥🩷
Oh come on 💚
Can you fool me? Is it that easy? 💚
Why are you angry? 🌼
No in-fighting 🩷

I'm trying to be profound I guess but really I just feel alone. I want someone to listen because they are genuinely interested. I want to be asked questions, have conversation. 🔥💜

I want to leave notes for myself. For others too. To show what I go through 💜🩷

Maybe I will have to open up more. 💜

Mania for me means alcohol, drugs, risky sexual behaviour and excessive spending. While I have found safer options and rules for the first three, I still immensely struggle with controlling my money.

Not caving into the mania is good, it's what I ought to aim for, but boy it feels bad in the moment

I absolutely love having our girls day out! So happy to spend more time with you 🥰

I have a pair of boxers like that from a store online called Wet For Her. Definitely easier than getting into a strap on harness! Plus I found it gave better stability.

I send hugs your way. I always say things happen in threes so you've got all the bad luck out of your system now and can hopefully work through all the stuff. 🫂

I have to focus to visualize things up to a level 2 image on that scale. When I think of things, my mind initially goes to the physical touch side of things not the visual image. So I imagine first the weight of the apple in my hand, or the glossy feel of the apple skin. Not sure why.

I feel called out. This is pretty much the same as if I listed out all my thoughts during my boring work days!