I’m in my 9th favourite cafe.

Do you remember the Catherine Tate sketch of the servers in an American diner chain?

I think they’ve used it here for staff training.

Dear Head & Shoulders,

Have you ever thought about adding a bit of mint to your shampoo?

Then we could not only wash our head and shoulders but we could do our teeth at the same time.

I’m at that stage of life where I look at a lovely view and my first thought is, “That would make a great jigsaw”

When you see elephants on tv it’s always big elephants and wee baby elephants.

You never see medium size elephants.

Decisions Decisions!

At 4am this morning a question popped into my head and woke me up with a jolt.

Does grass sleep at night?

I was in my 8th favourite cafe today. Not been there for ages.

They don’t have the display hammock in the corner anymore.

Remember that time those two ladies, who’d obviously had a glass of wine, got on the hammock and it snapped and they rolled across the floor knocking the Christmas tree over?

You know when the ITV news presenter says “coming up before Emmerdale” ?

Why is it such an urgent deadline?

Are gravy granules made from gravy, dried out and crumbled up into granules?

I think people should be considering their diet before it gets to this stage.

That’s me burrowed in.

Where is everybody?