guy who doesn’t know sleeping is supposed to be an unconscious thing: Man, I sure am glad I’m not afraid of the dark

God forbid a juggler catch a knife

Look, all I'm saying is the more comedians there are in the US, the more likely a funny joke is to happen. Be the clown you want to see.

Why does lock-picking have to feel so illegal? Like chill out dude, I just want to break into a few houses for fun, no need to get the cops involved

Let's just say I'm a big fan of Saw 6

Thanksgiving is so good they went and made Thanksgiving 2. Spoiler alert, it’s also fire

I kinda wish I could eat all of my meals on one of those pre-portioned trays like the ones they have in school or prison

shout out goddamnitzoey.bsky.social also fuck that quorin.bsky.social dude